MY BEST SEX MOVE

How to fix a dead sex life.

Dear Cameron, I love my partner but we only fuck once every few months. When we do, it’s boring. Help! How can we get back hot, regular sex?” – Bed Death

Dear Bed Death, it is possible but it takes work, you both have to want it, and the solution may have more to do with repairing your emotional connection than what you’re doing in bed. Shorten the emotional distance between you and your partner and you’ll start fucking like rabbits again. Here are some ways to go about it…

BRING BACK DATE NIGHT

When you stop dating, you stop connecting, and when you feel disconnected mentally and emotionally the sex starts to suck.

Clear your schedule and make date night happen once a week. Put your phones away, get off the couch, and engage in a new experience together. Go for dinner somewhere new. Cook a new dish together. Topping up your emotional bond will have a positive influence on your sex life.

ASK THOSE 36 LOVE QUESTIONS

“These 36 questions can make anyone fall in love.” This was explosive when it first came out. I’ve done it. I didn’t fall in love on the spot but the questions made conversation way more interesting and being vulnerable with another person definitely deepened our connection. If I was banging that person, the sex would’ve been way better.

Grab a bottle of wine and go through the list with your partner: 36questionsinlove.com.

FIND HIS LOVE LANGUAGE

The ways you and your partner want to be shown love are probably very different. He wants to be touched more while you want to receive thoughtful gifts. Take the time to figure out each other’s love languages (take the free online test), then demonstrate love to him in his love language. If he wants to be touched more or praised more, do that. If he enjoys gifts, quality time or acts of service, do that.

Figuring out your partner’s love language is like using a secret key to unlock his heart – and his erection

If you’re both showing love in a way that is meaningful to each other, your sex life will radically transform.

SCHEDULE SEX SUNDAY

I’ve mentioned this in a previous column, but it’s such a great idea that I’m sharing it again.

Sex Sunday is a day where you and your partner fuck all day long. The point is to disrupt when and where you have sex and reignite your excitement for fucking each other.

So put Sex Sunday on your calendar and hop to it. Head out, explore the city, and fuck at

Figuring out your partner’s love language is like using a secret key to unlock his heart – and his erection.

every pit stop. Going to a restaurant for lunch? Blowjob in the bathroom. Going on a hike in the woods? Anal on the cliffside.

TRY SOME FREAKY SHIT

Couples pull away from each other sexually when they feel like their needs aren’t being met in the bedroom. Chat with your partner about any new sexual frontiers you’d each like to explore. Then make ’em happen.

If you can explore new fantasies with each other, great. If you can’t because of boundary issues, then that’s worth discussing, too.

Keep in mind, there can be a lot of fear in bringing up deeper sexual desires, especially if they’re deemed “weird” by societal norms. So go into this one gently.

Also, be mindful that kinks and fantasies aren’t always guaranteed to be great in reality. Case in point: when I was young I loved sunglasses so much that I thought I had a kinky fetish for them. So I asked my boyfriend if we could have sex wearing sunglasses. It took about 20 seconds of me riding him – in the cheesiest, cheapest sunglasses you can imagine – to realise how stupid we looked. “Nope, this is dumb. Sorry!”

Still, the fact that we tried and laughed about it brought us closer.

DON’T OPEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP FIRST

In one of her comedy specials, Margaret Cho says the secret to a successful marriage is fucking a lot of other people. I’m paraphrasing here, but Cho’s point is clear: fucking other people can make sex with your partner interesting again. But it’s also a very complex area that can spell the end of relationships if it isn’t handled correctly.

My advice: don’t defer to an open relationship as your first solution. You need to figure your own shit out before you invite other people to the party. Skip this critical step and you could end up using an open relationship as an excuse to start dating other people. And we all know where that leads.

FINALLY, SOME BAD NEWS

If you aren’t having sex because you lack sexual chemistry, I have bad news for you. You cannot outrun this situation. Trust me, I tried this with a partner. We were (and remain) great friends, but the sexual fire just wasn’t there. Three years later, when we realised it was never going to work in the bedroom, we called it quits and we’re both better off for it.

SEND US YOUR QUESTIONS and Cameron will answer them in future columns: mybestsexmove@gmail.com.