MY BEST SEX MOVE: DON’T CUM TOO SOON
This month, Cameron shares some tips to help you control your big moment.
Question: Dear Cameron, when topping, what’s the best way to stay hard for a long session and not blow too quickly before your partner orgasms? – Andy
Answer: Full transparency here, I used to be a premature ejaculator when I first started topping. It was frustrating but, these days, I can time my orgasm and stay hard for as long as I like. I now know that, with practice, those long sex sessions are possible for me and that you can get there, too.
In this story, I’ve compiled some techniques to help you control your orgasm. The more you use them and practice them, the better you’ll get and the more control you’ll have over your ejaculation.
“PREMATURE” MEANS DIFFERENT THINGS
When researching this article, I discovered that “premature ejaculation” means different things to different people. Someone on a forum said that, for them, premature ejaculation was “cumming on contact” with their partner. Another suggested that premature ejaculation was “cumming within two minutes or less”.
I’d say that premature is ejaculating before you want to. The end goal is to develop enough control over your orgasm that you can cum whenever you are ready and want to.
TAKE BREAKS
There’s no shame in telling your partner that you a) want to top him, but b) you might need to take some breaks to make sure you don’t cum too quickly.
Only a major dickhead would criticize you for trying to be a better lover.
(Side note: if someone does shame you in bed, they don’t deserve you. Get them out of your bed and your life immediately.)
There are many advantages to taking breaks. Firstly, it will help stop you from cumming before you want to. Secondly, breaks give you and the bottom time to recharge, plus, squeeze in some additional foreplay, take up a new position, and dive into round two.
THE SQUEEZE TECHNIQUE
Next time you think you’re about to cum before you’re ready, try the squeeze technique.
Here’s how it works: just before you’re about to cum, squeeze your dick between your thumb and forefinger. Keep squeezing until the urge to cum subsides. Resume sex. Repeat the squeeze when you feel like you’re about to cum again.
Some guides suggest you should squeeze around the glans. I’ve actually found more success with this by clamping right near the base/ball sack. The idea is to clamp down on your urethra to block your ejaculation.
Applying pressure like this is said to reduce an erection by 10 to 30 percent. Find out which technique works for you.
This technique is almost impossible when you’re balls-deep in a bottom’s butt. So it is worth practicing the squeeze during foreplay or even the next time you jack off solo.
USE “EXTENDED PLEASURE” CONDOMS
These condoms have benzocaine in them, a special lubricant that helps delay ejaculation.
I’ve tried them. They work. But, in my experience, they also reduce a lot of the fun sensations and make it extremely difficult to get fully hard. My advice is to think of these condoms like training wheels. Use them to help control your ejaculation while you’re trying to enjoy longer fuck sessions, but once you develop natural control over your orgasm, remove benzocaine-filled condoms from the equation.
DON’T FILL YOUR MIND WITH GROSS IMAGES
Dead bunnies. Picturing your grandma naked. I’ve heard of people using weird mental images and mind tricks to pull themselves back from the brink. My advice: don’t go down this road. It’ll just fuck you up!
Besides, conjuring up weird images to stop you from ejaculating will prevent you from enjoying the sex itself.
STILL CUMMING TOO SOON…?
So, you came too soon… again. This is going to happen a lot while you develop full control over your orgasm.
When this happens, don’t beat yourself up about it. There’s no need to invite shame into the equation.
Also, don’t forget about your sexual partner. If you cum earlier than expected, resist the urge to just roll over and fall asleep. (I know, it’s hard, but cry me a river). Make sure that your sexual partner still gets off, too.