OUR FATHER, WHO ART GORGEOUS
HOUSE FATHER, JARRELL GORGEOUS GUCCI, BY IAN HORNER.
House father, Jarrell Gorgeous Gucci from Legendary on being a house dad.
Kicked out of home, rejected by family and the mainstream, LGBT kids have been finding their way to big cities, connecting with each other and creating “chosen families” for… well, a very long time.
Chosen families have been the backbone of the queer ballroom scene for decades, a community who evolved a competitive subculture of creative expression and an elegant dance style we know today as voguing.
This fiercely competitive dance style was born in Harlem’s ballroom scene in the ’60s, went mainstream in 1990 with Madonna’s hit, Vogue, and features in Ryan Murphy’s TV series Pose (set in the late ’80s and early ’90s).
Now, as then, the ballroom scene is comprised of talented queer kids (mostly) of colour, who compete against other houses for the glory of a trophy and legendary status. While Pose is a fictional drama, HBO’s series Legendary depicts real houses, doing real ballroom and competing for real.
Ballroom is all about commitment, acceptance, diversity and affirmation, out of which comes the joy of competition, and it falls to the house parents to make it happen. The house parents in Legendary are also the real deal, not constructs for the cameras.
DNA spoke to house father Jarrell Hargraves of The House Of Gorgeous Gucci, an amazing dancer and flamboyant performer in his own right, about the real-life responsibility that comes with the job.
DNA: Being a house father continues offscreen; it’s not just constructed for the Legendary TV show, right?
Jarrell Gorgeous Gucci: Absolutely. I’ve been >>
I tell the kids to prove their critics wrong by being great. Outperform them. Just shine.
>> a house father for years, way before Legendary started, and it’ll continue years afterwards. I’m a father every day to my kids who live here in New York City and I’m also the overall national father of the house. I have fatherly duties, leadership duties I deal with daily, almost like a CEO.
What are your responsibilities?
I make sure my leaders and my houses throughout the various states conduct business appropriately, that they’re raising their chapters, making sure we’re ready for functions, grooming new talent, that our kids are well taken care of and encouraged and supported. Everyone pretty much answers to me. It’s about holding the family together and always being connected, off the floor as much as on it.
How does your role as a house father in a chosen family compare with the “traditional” head of the house? Are you the breadwinner and disciplinarian who sets the moral tone, establishes boundaries and reinforces them? The duties are almost parallel, especially being a role model. The only difference is being the breadwinner for the whole house! Otherwise, I’m raising new talent, raising new kids in the community, helping them get through things. I’m also teaching them how to navigate ballroom life and regular life. I don’t have kids of my own but I do know what my father went through raising us, even the disciplining. That’s important, except I don’t put my hands on anyone, but the kids have to be talked to when they do wrong. That’s on and off the floor.
When do you intervene?
In a regular household kids bicker and quarrel. It’s the same in a ballroom house. I’m on the east coast but I run the entire country and I have kids from California to New York City and they bicker and quarrel over small things; sometimes over boys [he smiles], sometimes over clout or friends. I step in and make them see the bigger picture, push them back to their corners, help them come to a common ground and not get there again. At the end of the day we’re family but we’re friends first because we’re not really tied as family; we’re chosen family. So, we don’t have to tolerate each other. I teach them we have to stay in this together, you can’t just walk away from a family; families are forever. I try to instil that.
How many are in your house?
In Gorgeous Gucci House there are 176.
How do people join?
The house is divided into chapters. In each state there’s a mother and a father who report to me. Every parent runs monthly meetings, some are open where people try out to join. They fill out applications, come in, display a talent, maybe voguing or dancing or singing. Most importantly, they must bring positivity. We want to know what’s going on in their life outside ballroom and how we can contribute to that. And we have to get along.
Are there fees?
We collect dues every meeting, about $20 a month, and an annual fee. It’s not for anyone’s pocket; we use it to buy tables at balls which
At ballroom they accepted me as I was. Isn’t that what family is all about?
can cost $600 each. We save for tables, travel expenses, our events, and for kids in the house who may need assistance with rent or tuition. Are house parents paid?
Absolutely not. We do this out of love. The family, the bonds, the trophies, the wins – that’s our pay.
What ages are the kids?
They’re coming out early these days – as early as 15 and 16. More so in the cities, like New York. And it’s totally fine as long as we make sure they’re not consuming alcohol or any drugs or anything. The ages are mainly from 15 and 16 right through to forties, fifties and sixties.
Do they come from a variety of ethnic backgrounds?
We have one of the most diverse houses in the country. We have two overall mothers – Lola is a beautiful, exotic woman from Martinique in The West Indies, and Trace Lysette, a Hollywood actress [SVU, Pose, Transparent], is a Caucasian woman. We have many different Europeans, African-Americans, Indians – we’re completely inclusive.
Are all house members queer?
There’s no requirement around sexual orientation. Most in the house are gay men but we have trans women, trans men, cis-gendered women who are lesbians, cis-gendered women who are straight. They’re all our allies. We have just about everything except I don’t think we have any straight men. They’re rare in ballroom.
>> How long has The House Of Gorgeous Gucci been going?
It began last October. Before that we were the House Of Mizrahi but things got rocky.
I was there for over 10 years. There was a different overall father. It was time for succession but he wasn’t feeling that so we started a new house. The founder of our house was Marlon Gorgeous Gucci.
Who chose the dancers that appear on Legendary?
Marlon submitted names and HBO and Scout Productions chose who to bring in. Voguing existed three decades before Madonna commercialised it. Now she gets credit for it. Did she steal it?
I’d never go so far. We owe her credit for helping bring it to the world. Yes, it was around decades before but she put a spotlight on it and helped the world love it. Some feel she glorified it a bit too much but that was only one style of voguing. Today it’s completely different. We can’t give her credit for the new style but we can give her credit for helping the world appreciate vogue. I can truly say that.
How is it different now?
Vogue started from shade. Different houses were in the club and they’d battle each other, compete, and everything was about lines and symmetrics. Now we’re more flowing, more cat-walking. [Jarrell, on Skype, stands up and demonstrates different forms of voguing.] Back then it was structured, you kept composure, your face was serious. Now it’s acrobatics, spinning, dipping, jumping. Ballroom is a way of life, but fiercely competing with each other flies in the face of that because if life is just a competition it means most of us are going to lose.
I’ve never heard anyone put it that way! In the ’50s and ’60s, kids disowned by their families would be taken in by someone older and more mature. They’d say, “Hey, I have a house, you guys stay with me.” Just like on Pose, right? They formed families and went to the clubs together. It’s called a house because they all stayed in the same house. House members in the club started competing to see who was the most fierce, who was the better looking. I understand competition is not always a good thing, but for us in the community, not everyone is athletic or artistic. This is our extracurricular activity. It’s our tennis, our basketball, our gymnastics. And it’s a way of achieving fame and glory. Our community has always struggled, feeling we weren’t worth anything or we were less-than, so we have to build our own family and glorify our own selves in ballroom by winning trophies and becoming famous in the scene; a legend if you will. It’s just a way to feel we’re great at something; something we can conquer.
What are some of the kids’ stories in your house?
I have kids whose families do not approve of them because they love the same sex. In our
We have many in our house whose families were okay with them being gay, but being trans is too much. It’s happening a lot.
house, we look for anyone having difficulty with their family, especially trans women. We have many in our house whose families were okay with them being gay, but being trans is too much. It’s happening a lot. It’s a bit less common these days for gay kids to be pushed away but being trans is another thing, especially when you’re raised in a Baptist or Catholic household.
There’s one guy in the house who’s on the show; his mom wasn’t thrilled about him being this gay figure on TV. He told her how thrilled he was to be on Legendary. “Mom, I’m on TV! The world loves me because I’m voguing!” But she was very bland, no reaction. He was down. At work, her colleagues were all excited: “He’s your son?!! Oh, my God, we love him!” “Why?” she said. “Because he’s on Legendary, he’s voguing, he’s amazing, and we love him!” So she watched the show and called her son and told him how proud she was, how great and talented he was. Kids in our house face these things and we make sure we hold them a little bit tighter.
How do you teach your kids to stand up for themselves?
I tell them to prove their critics wrong by being great. Outperform them. Just shine. Voguing is all about shade, taking what people don’t like about you and putting it in their face. I tell kids just smile, don’t argue, don’t go back and forth. Prove you’re great and they’ll see it. They’ll have to eat their words sooner or later. Honestly.
How easy is it for kids in your house be out and proud?
For most, it’s easy. For some, not so. It’s not everyone’s story to be great looking on the outside. Sometimes the world is just not kind. It’s not every trans girl’s story to be a beautiful vixen. Some struggle. Their daily life is a bit harder. We have mental health groups and forums where they can speak their minds, ask questions, get feedback. We have some very intelligent people in our house. We have lawyers, pre-med students, actors, people to help in all areas.
Tell us about the experience of a ballroom competition night.
When you go to a ballroom on any given night you’re going to have about 11 or 12 houses there and every house will have about 100 members present. Ballroom is a community of interconnected chosen families where we compete, we love each other, we accept each other, we fight! – verbally, but also for our own glory, our own fame. We have a hierarchy of legends, stars and icons. It’s a world where people get the fame they may not be able to get outside. We get it by competing for trophies and dancing, voguing and runway, and realness.
As a kid, I didn’t feel straight enough for the straight kids. I’d try but I wasn’t super attractive and I was a little effeminate. But at ballroom they accepted me as I was. I felt like this was where I belonged. Isn’t that what family is all about? •