A MOTHER’S ANGUISH
Her wish? Simply for all her family to be alive this time next year
MOTHER’S DAY 2020 was different. Many mums across the world, who should have been celebrating with their families, have died from COVID-19 before their time.
Australia has so far escaped the worst of that pandemic, but for Erin Ray, who fought breast cancer in 2016, the current global health crisis is only a background concern.
With a newly arrived baby, it was her first Mother’s Day as the mum of three kids.
Her wish?
Simply for all her family to be alive this time next year.
“I’m honestly still hoping that it wasn’t my one and only (as a mother of three),” she told Dubbo Photo News.
She spent Mother’s Day in a Sydney hospital with her son Mitchell fighting for his life battling Stage 4 Neuroblastoma with metastases in the lung, lymph node and bone, and baby Connor is relying on a CPAP machine for breathing, suffering from severe laryngomalacia.
The family has spent four months in hospital, yet only three weeks of that together.
Husband Jeremy has been stood down from his job and Erin is wondering how the family will survive financially when her maternity leave ends.
Read the full story and see how you can help in today’s Dubbo Photo News.
ERIN RAY is a glass half full person.
She spent 2017 fighting breast cancer while pregnant with her second child and won that battle. On January 17 this year, her sixyear-old son Mitchell was found to have a large tumour in his stomach. The sick little boy was airlifted to Sydney’s Westmead Hospital with dad Jeremy where he was admitted to intensive care.
Erin had to stay in Dubbo – twoand-a-half-year-old Hannah was unwell, on antibiotics, and Erin was just four days away from a scheduled C-section for the imminent arrival of baby number three.
The shattering news continued. After arriving in this world safe and well on January 21 – the same day Mitchell commenced his chemo treatments – baby Connor’s health quickly deteriorated, he’s since undergone surgery for severe Laryngomalacia.
The bub is dependent on a CPAP machine for breathing, trying periods of time off it while awake, but he may need to continue CPAP when he leaves hospital. He’s also struggling with his feeding.
Erin spoke to Dubbo Photo News about Mother’s Day in hospital and the struggles the family is facing.
She felt a lump in her breast in 2016 and had a lumpectomy which showed it was angiosarcoma.
“I had just found out I was pregnant with Hannah so had a mastectomy to obtain clear margins rather than chemo, and I still have regular monitoring – beside surgery, I got out of it very easily, was really lucky,” Mrs Ray said.
Most mothers across Australia last Sunday were looking forward to breakfast in bed and a relaxing day with family.
“I kept hoping that we could keep Mitchell with us at Ronald Mcdonald House,” she said.
“He has been home with us after his fifth round of chemo and we’ve been struggling to keep him hydrated, manage nausea and vomiting and avoid fever. His temperature was creeping up overnight but was vigilant with his fluid and thankfully kept it at bay.
“It was really special to be able to celebrate my first Mother’s Day as a mother of three with all the kids, I’m honestly still hoping that it wasn’t my one and only,” she said.
There’s been plenty of talk about how cheerful and resilient Erin and Jeremy have been in the face of all the heartbreak and suffering, she said it’s important to maintain a brave face – for her children.
“I certainly don’t always feel strong but I think it’s important to stay positive for the kids so that we can enjoy our time together and limit any extra stress for them as it’s already hard enough,” she said.
“We’ve also had great support from family and friends as well as organisations like Ronald Mcdonald House, Redkite, Kids with Cancer Foundation and the teams at Westmead Children’s Hospital.
“Mitchell’s also been supported a lot by the hospital school and West Dubbo Public, his school at home – they’ve kept him connected to his classmates and teachers, and knowing that so many people are cheering you on helps you keep moving forward.”
Adding to the family’s problems, which seem incredible from the outside looking in, are the current social distancing protocols which often keep the family apart.
“COVID-19 restrictions are definitely testing our lives even further,” Mrs Ray said.
“With Mitchell’s treatment we were already set up to live this year in isolation but this has meant even less exposure to our support network.
“We’ve had periods where both Mitchell and Connor have been in hospital at the same time so my mum has been locked in with us to help care for Hannah while we’re here at Ronald Mcdonald House.”
She says she agrees completely with the restrictions but says it’s tough on the kids when siblings aren’t allowed into the hospital and it’s one parent at a time only.
“I have limited time each day with Mitchell when he’s admitted because Connor also has special needs around feeding with thickened fluid and a feeding tube, and sleeping with CPAP and apnoea monitoring,” she said.
“We’ve been here almost four months now and have only spent about three weeks in total as a complete family, often just a day or two before Mitchell is admitted again.”
She’s proud as punch of her unbelievably brave little boy.
“Mitchell has been incredible,
I didn’t realise quite the amount of strength and resilience he had in him and I am incredibly proud and blessed to be his mum,” she said.
“He’s isolated from family, friends, school and his entire routine while suffering horrible side-effects, but he still has the ability to smile and delight us. His passion for Minecraft and Lego hasn’t changed at all.”
The treatment protocol for highrisk (metastatic) neuroblastoma takes at least 13 to 18 months to complete as it includes chemotherapy, surgery, stem cell transplant, radiation and immunotherapy, so there’s no chance the family will make it home to Dubbo in 2020.
Compared to the general population, in good health, confined to their homes except for essential travel and shopping, it seems like an alternate universe.
“Jeremy and I both love our work in Dubbo, I’m on maternity leave so receiving part of my usual income until the day after Mitchell’s birthday, but Jeremy has used up all his leave and now with COVID-19 he has been stood down from work, like so many others we know,” Mrs Ray said
“Both Mitchell and Connor need 24-hour care so it would be impossible to work right now even if we were located closer to our jobs.
“It’s definitely stressful financially, I’m honestly struggling to see how I can stay with Mitchell in Sydney when my maternity leave ends. It’s the only income we have right now, but leaving him here to return to work is unimaginable.”
Friends convinced the Rays to allow them to set up a Go Fund Me page, and while the money had begun to flow, the people who organised it have told Dubbo Photo News that donations began to dry up after the COVID-19 pandemic hit home, costing so many people their jobs.
The family has also set up a page titled Mitchell Blasts Neuroblastoma – there’s a link to the Go Fund Me page on there.
The family’s friends are asking for people who can spare a few dollars, to look beyond their own problems and help out the Rays. z Contact John Ryan at Dubbo Photo
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