MELINDA’S WISE WORDS OF LIFE
MELINDA Schneider is a legend of Australian country music – a singer songwriter with a big voice who is now using that voice to tell a story as moving as her anthemic songs in a bid to help others navigate the murky waters of mental ill-health. Melinda spoke with JEN COWLEY ahead of a visit to Dubbo this weekend for a women’s wellness workshop called Be Gentle on Yourself, for which she’s partnered with the Rural Adversity Mental Health Program (RAMHP).
TRYING to interview a well-known personality in a public place usually makes for a protracted process, peppered as it often is with interruptions from well-meaning fans and well-wishers.
With this in mind, I approach my interview with country music star Melinda Schneider with some trepidation, given we’ve arranged to meet for brunch at a popular bay-side café on a sunshiney Central Coast Friday morning. I needn’t have worried.
Not that the inimitable Ms Schneider isn’t well recognised – it’s just that she’s so much a part of this pretty coastal community that she’s just simply “Melinda”, a regular local, a normal working mum. One who just happens to have an almighty voice and a place in the annals of Australian musical history.
She also has a story to tell, and more importantly these days, she’s willing and able to tell it.
•••
Clad in flannelette shirt and jeans, the woman who for the past few years has regularly donned a glamourous golden gown to channel the great Doris Day in her well-received tribute show, is sharing a table with some other locals when I arrive.
She excuses herself from the group, thrusts out the free hand that isn’t holding her breakfast plate, flashes me a smile pop culture would describe as a “megawatt” and says, “I’m Melinda.”
Her eyes are strikingly pretty but, belonging as they do to a seasoned professional, they size me up with a wariness borne of years of being on guard.
We settle in with some pleasantries and while she’s nothing but friendly, I sense that each word is measured and practiced as she begins to answer my questions about her partnership with the Rural Adversity Mental Health Program (RAMHP) and her upcoming visit to Dubbo for a women’s wellness day titled Be Gentle on Yourself, which is also the name of her newly released song.
Soon though, as our conversation progresses, it’s as if some little inner voice quietly whispers that it’s okay to let down her guard and tell her story, that she has her own permission to speak openly, despite years of programming to the contrary.
The result is a perceptible glow of warmth and authenticity, and suddenly it makes perfect sense that this nearly 50-year-old icon of the Australian music industry makes such a perfect advocate for rural women’s wellbeing.
Melinda’s own experience of struggling to maintain good mental health had its genesis in a childhood spent in the public eye, but the diagnosis of depression wouldn’t come until 2018, when it confined the mum of one to bed for six weeks, and forced her to confront the reality of her own fallibility.
“I couldn’t come to terms with the fact that I had depression – I refused to go on medication. Then my doctor said to me, “Be strong, but not TOO strong”.
“That really struck a chord and I began thinking about how stoic I always am and how I just keep soldiering on and not allowing myself to fall down.”
For the first time, Melinda allowed herself to rest – really rest – and time to recover.
Soon though, the depression returned and was compounded a month later with the death of a friend through suicide.
“That really took me down so low,” she recalls.
“Understanding he’d made that choice because he wasn’t able to admit he had depression because of the shame he felt, made me realise I was doing the same thing, and that I needed help.”
Melinda consulted a psychiatrist, confiding about her perfectionism and the unrealistically high standards she sets herself and was finally convinced she needn’t struggle alone or without help.
“So I surrendered to it,” she says of finally agreeing to try medication.
“I began almost immediately to feel better. Part of that was coming to terms with the fact that I wasn’t perfect. Self-judgement is so destructive.”
•••
THE program of wellness talks she’s now helping to present takes its name from her 2020 single, Be Gentle on Yourself.
Tellingly, it’s a song written 20 years ago. The paradox of taking two decades to heed her own advice isn’t lost on Melinda. Neither is the notion that the inability to take her own words to heart is symptomatic of women’s tendency to be able to tell other women to give themselves a break while denying ourselves the same latitude.
“Totally!” she agrees. “And it happens a lot with my songs. I write from a place of my own truth, but walking the talk is important too.”
The power of Melinda’s lived experience is part of the success of the wellness workshops.
“(Someone from) RAMHP saw me give a keynote address in 2019 and without even knowing my story, asked if I would come on board as an ambassador.
“I told them I’d love to, and then told them of my depression,” she says, adding that the organisation allowed her the time she needed to muster the courage to “go public” with her story.
That Melinda is a leading light in the country music scene means she’s familiar with regional Australia and its people, so partnering with RAMHP has a certain synergy.
“I think country women in particular are incredibly stoic and I am too, but I think you can be too strong for too long.
“You need to be stoic to a point but not to excess.”
On the question of what she considers to be the essence of resilience, Melinda takes time to muster her thoughts.
“It’s an interesting question,” she muses.
“When you’re depressed, there’s no hope and without hope there can’t be resilience.
“The only way you can bounce back is to let yourself fall down, surrender to what you’re going through without judging yourself – give yourself all the unconditional love you give to others.
“It’s different for everyone – but if you give yourself time to “sit in the shit” of depression, after time you can recover.
“That’s resilience.”
••• HAVING been in the public eye from the tender age of eight – she shared her famous yodelling mum’s stage as a child – Melinda says the glare of the spotlight is challenging, but not for the obvious reasons.
“I’ve never known my life to be private and I’m quite comfortable with that. What I’ve struggled with and am having to learn is to be imperfect in the public eye.”
Authenticity is important to Melinda, but lifelong programming by perfectionist parents meant her own expectations of flawlessness have been nigh on impossible to overcome.
“For so many years I was holding something of myself back so that I could appear perfect.
“Privately, I’m authentic, but I’ve been very careful about managing my public image – as a lot of performers are. Now that I’ve gone public with my story, and I’ve felt the love and support and appreciation from people, something has shifted. I now know it’s okay to be perfectly imperfect.”
People have come forward to offer Melinda their thanks for making them feel “normal” or to say it’s her honesty that’s prompted them to seek help – something she finds deeply validating.
“Being able to help positively change someone’s life just by being authentic and sharing, that’s amazing,” she says, but goes on to ponder the guilt that goes with admitting to suffering depression when, to all intents and purposes, your life is seemingly “perfect”.
“I kept thinking, what do I have to be depressed about? I have a beautiful home, a beautiful man and a beautiful son, a successful career doing what I love – life is great, compared with other people. And again, it’s about that self-judgement – I’d say to myself, “How dare you have depression!
“That voice has been very loud at times.”
Now that she’s given herself permission to be imperfect, what she does she do differently to “be gentle on yourself”?
“I just try to tune in to my body more. I try to be more aware of my feelings and what I’m holding on to, and I try to get them out and not bottle them up.
I have a lot more awareness now than when I was in my early 40s about what I was avoiding. In our society we’re not encouraged to let things out.”
Melinda is no stranger to Dubbo, but during this visit, she’s hoping to impact people’s lives in a positive way through both her Farewell to Doris shows and the Be Gentle on Yourself wellness talks.
“I hope people walk out with permission to feel exactly how they feel without judgement, and to be a bit more understanding with others who are having a hard time.
“I want them to give themselves and others permission to be exactly where and what they are with no pressure to be or perform a certain way.”
"I think country women in particular are incredibly stoic and I am too, but I think you can be too strong for too long... "
• Help is available 24/7. If you or someone you know needs support, please call:
• 131114 – Lifeline, lifeline.org.au
• NSW Mental Health Line 1800 011 511 *Jen Cowley has volunteered her time to emcee the Be Gentle on Yourself wellness session in Dubbo at the invitation of the Rural Adversity Mental Health Program.