SAME SAME, BUT DIFFERENT

I’d been dating the same person for six years and we’d been living in the same house for five. I’d gotten so used to my boyfriend and our surroundings that I no longer saw them. My eyes skimmed over them. Sex was boring to me. I was bored of my body, bored of the bedroom with yellow walls, the Salvador Dalí print, the same light on the ceiling, the same view out the window, and some sort of self-conscious glancing that my boyfriend and I busied ourselves with – “Are you into this?”, “Am I into this?” our faces seemed to ask each other.

One day, before we had sex, I put on the blindfold that neither of us ever used, that sat dustily underneath the bed. It was big and silky. It was teal. It was an impulse buy on Amazon. It had black velcro strips. It seemed like it was part of another culture, from another

planet. From the moment I put it on I was shocked at how it felt to wear it. It allowed me to focus only on sensation, only on each moment. The past and future, the Salvador Dalí print, my relationship with all its merits and faults – it all vanished from view.

The blindfold made us louder. We couldn’t communicate with our faces, so sound and touch were the only way. My blindness gave my boyfriend more control. I didn’t know where the bed ended. I felt primal, like I’d just been reborn. I was curious. I was free of my visual body, yet deep in my physical body. I was snug in the black room of my mind, and the otherness of my boyfriend had all my attention. It felt like we were the only two people alive. Also, I was high. Weed had greatly improved my sex life, freeing me from a critical part of my brain, making me forget I’d done this all before.

And during the sex and afterwards, well, who was I? Everything seemed so much more mysterious, more miraculous in the complete dark. I now understood that my preconceived notions had been preventing me from true experience. I told my friends I had uncovered a great sex secret. It seemed easy, simple and obvious to them, but I said, “Try it!” It might surprise you.

“THE BLINDFOLD MADE US LOUDER. WE COULDN’T COMMUNICATE WITH OUR FACES, SO SOUND AND TOUCH WERE THE ONLY WAY. I FELT PRIMAL, LIKE I’D JUST BEEN REBORN”