WAS YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION TO GET MORE ATTENTION?

If so, Becky Lucas – whose show Cute Funny Smart Sexy Beautiful is playing the comedy festival circuit this year – has some advice

The idea of explaining to people how you can be “cute funny smart sexy beautiful” is obviously an idea born from a complete sense of self-entitlement. I think everyone has the ability to be completely self-absorbed and entitled and, let’s face it, the culture we surround ourselves in encourages it. So with that in mind, I’ve collated the perfect list of things to do to complete your transition into the attention-seeking nightmare person you’ve always wanted to be:

1. BURST INTO TEARS WHEN THE HAIRDRESSER SHOWS YOU THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD WITH A MIRROR.

2. REFER TO YOURSELF AS A “SHUTTERBUG” JUST BECAUSE YOU LIKE TAKING SELFIES.

3. DRINK WHITE WINE AND DISCLOSE A MAJOR SECRET.

4. BLOCK YOUR BEST FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM JUST AS A JOKE.

5. FAKE A LISP.