HOW TO KNOW IF YOU’VE BEEN FRIEND-JACKED

“FRIEND-JACKING” MAY BE A BUZZ term, but it’s also an old-as-time variety of social snub. The cold, hard facts: at one point in your life, it’s likely you’ve introduced two friends who end up being closer pals with each other than they are with you.

Don’t get me wrong, introducing friends who hit it off can be satisfying; it’s nice to be the epicentre of a social gang. But the warm, fuzzy feeling doesn’t always last. Before you know it, it’s Friday night and your iphone is collecting dust. Your only messages are from Vodafone and your mum. Where are your friends? After unsuccessfully rousing any of them with pseudo-casual texts about grabbing drinks, you get the lonesome bus home. You conclude they must be working late – or they’ve had their phones cut off, or handbags stolen. Only for you to wake on Saturday morning to reams of Instagram

content, alerting you to the fact they were a) together, b) having a really good time and c) your presence wasn’t required. They’ll claim they didn’t get in touch because they knew you “wouldn’t want to come anyway” or it “wasn’t your vibe” (ouch).

You now have two options. Either choose to move on and never acknowledge out loud that you’ve been friend-jacked (showing bitterness over a blossoming friendship makes you look like Miss Havisham: alone and passive-aggressive in your crumbling ruin). You’ll seem cool and collected, a true social butterfly, with nothing but other people’s happiness in mind. Your second option is to reverse-psychology your way out of the bitterness you’re cloaked in. Bide your time, wait until Jess introduces you to her new mate from spin class and then pounce. Let the friend-jacked become the friend-jacker.