TORMENTED? DRIVEN WITLESS? FEAR NOT, HELP IS JUST A SHORT LETTER AWAY
I have a crush on my best friend’s man. I’ve tried to behave myself, but one night the three of us got drunk at a charity event and my friend’s boyfriend insisted I stay the night with them. Not only did we all sleep in the same bed, he initiated some “handcraft”, which I then stupidly followed. Did I mention my best friend was in the same bed?
This situation has been repeated many times and I don’t know how to stop it! How do I redirect my relationship with him before it’s too late? I am aware he is a complete asshole. – CONSUMED WITH GUILT Miss Guilty: For 25 years, Aunty Eeee has been filling the very air with a hurricane of tender-hearted, godlike mercy. But I have a few words for you, my darling: Get the hell out of that bed! If you don’t, Aunty will commence some “handcraft” upside your head! Stop blubbering about “redirecting your relationship” with the man; show your friend the respect she deserves, tell her everything, and let her decide what to do with him.
But this can’t have happened that “many times” without her knowing, can it? Either way, do not expect that your friend will forgive you. Instead, draw up a list of your personal standards, take control of your moral life and end this squalid little bed game.
I am 30. At 13, I fell in love from afar with an extremely handsome man. He is successful, good-natured, funny, rich, kind and so successful he’s almost a celebrity. I’ve never met him, but trust me: I love him. – HOW DO I MEET MR PERFECT?
Conquer, my kumquat: My inbox is filled with long letters from women who live with guys who are perfect. And 99.99 per cent of my correspondents are sick of them! Get a real chap with some flaws. They are less dipshitty.
My boss hates me! I just can’t please her. She favours the men in the office. When they do something wrong, she says nothing. If I make the slightest mistake, she storms around and reprimands me. She says I don’t follow directions but I think she misconstrues my initiative as insubordination. Does she hate me so much that, despite the time and effort I’ve been putting in, she will hinder my chances for promotion? – ENTRY LEVEL FOREVER? Entry, my eaglet: Of course your boss hates you. Depending on the hour, the day and the situation, your boss hates everyone on her staff, in her department, in her building and in her city who dares thwart her rise to the top. Here’s your plan: 1. Don’t flatter. Don’t cajole. And for gawd sakes, don’t be inventive. Follow
her instructions and finish your assignments in a smart, swift manner that makes her look good. 2. Tell her superiors that she is a very
passionate, wily leader. (And if you don’t let management know this in such a way that it gets back to her, you are not the woman I take you for.) PS: Read Robin Green’s bad-arse book The Only Girl: My Life And Time On The
Masthead Of Rolling Stone. It’s chock-full of excellent advice!
My mother, who I adore, can’t hold a job and is a totally charming freeloader. For as long as I can remember, it’s always been just the two of us, but now she has a male “friend” who has no job, no money and no car – and is 26. (PS: I am 26.) My mother and I share an apartment. I don’t make a huge salary, but I keep us afloat. What gets me is that this male “friend” stays at our apartment for free, eats free and drives our cars free. She’s blind to this man! E. Jean! I’m tried! Please help! – TOO NICE
Miss Too, darling: The kindest thing you can do is force your mother – a magnificent woman I deeply respect for getting away with this BS all these years – to stand on her own two feet. She’ll hate it, but it will help her plan for the future. As for her choice in men? That we can’t control. So: move to a chic studio apartment of your own, let your mother stay put and help her with the rent for the first few months. Then cease. Your new life is gonna be fabulous!