“DIPSTICKS. NO, NOT YOU!! THE THINGS YOU USE TO CHECK YOUR CAR’S OIL LEVEL. VI­TAL BUT THEY’RE ALSO, MORE OF­TEN THAN NOT, A BLOODY RIGHT PAIN IN THE ARSE TO USE!”

Fast Car - - Up Front -

Now, it’s good prac­tice to check your car’s oil ev­ery cou­ple of weeks, but let’s be hon­est, we don’t, do we? Nope, it some­times takes that lit­tle red oil can light to il­lu­mi­nate on the dash be­fore we pull the bon­net catch and look for the dip­stick. The prob­lem now, though, is the en­gine’s hot and the dip­stick has been pre­car­i­ously placed within touch­ing dis­tance of the ex­haust man­i­fold. You’re not only just check­ing the oil but try­ing to avoid sec­ond-de­gree burns. Of course, you should wait un­til the en­gine has cooled but we are far too im­pa­tient for that non­sense.

But it’s only once you’ve checked the level (and dripped oil all over your new kicks), that the real fun be­gins. Yep, try­ing to get the bloody thing back in the hid­den microscopic hole while the flimsy bit of metal, that has more bends than the Nür­bur­gring, flaps about.

At least top­ping up the oil is an easy job, well, if you can find a fun­nel…

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