Lighthouse! Be the

Unapologetically Me

CEO & Founder Tarryn Reeves, Four Eagles Publishing Growing up, I was unapologetically myself.

I was unconcerned about what others were doing, thinking or thought about me. We are all born this way, free from the cage in which society traps us, trying to feel like we belong, that we matter and that we are doing life ‘right'. It was only in my early teen years that I realised that I was different. Some would even say ‘weird'. I preferred my own company to that of others. I preferred to run around barefoot in nature rather than wear makeup and read teen magazines. I preferred reading books to partying and boys. I was happy being all of me – until I wasn't.

The bullying started. The hormones started. The realisation hit me that I wasn't acting like my peers. It is natural for us to want to fit in. It is a biological human need. We are wired to want to be a part of our human network. Nobody likes to be bullied and nobody likes to feel like they don't belong. I had no idea how to be anything but myself in the environment in which I had grown up. I felt it wouldn't make sense to magically try to become someone else. So, when I found out that my family and I would be moving to start a new life in Australia, I thought, Here's my chance! A fresh start! Nobody knows me there. I can be anyone I want to be. I am going to be somebody that everyone likes.

Remembering My Feminessence®

The moment that I remembered my Feminessence – for she is always within you no matter how long you have locked her away and ignored her – I felt her throw open the doors to the cage in which I had imprisoned her. She exploded and released within me when I was in a hotel bathroom in the Cotswolds in England in 2015.

I was looking at a positive pregnancy test.

I had just come off the back of a spectacular burnout from my career in corporate, and had been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, major anxiety and chronic depression. I was medicated and had been wading through this dark hole for about a year and a half. This was the result of straying so far from who I was. I no longer remembered who I was and felt completely adrift in the raging oceans of life.

As it started to dawn on me that I was housing another soul in my womb, and that I would be having a baby, becoming a mother, responsible for guiding another being through this life, I felt the world as I had created it drop away. I sensed my Feminessence® calling me back. In that silence, I felt a fierce lioness energy rise through my body and consume me, and I started to remember who the hell I was. I remembered that I had a choice. I could choose a different way to operate in the world. I knew that I did not want to model my behaviour to date for my child, that I didn't want my child to feel like she had to squash herself into a specific way of being, just to please others. I made a conscious decision then to unlock my own Feminessence®, to shine my light, not only for my child, but for all the other women who are feeling trapped in a state of misery and disconnection from their true selves.

The week before finding out I was pregnant I was made redundant. I tried to get another job, but nobody would hire me because I was pregnant. After a while I got fed up and realised that I didn't really want to go back to a traditional job anyway! I decided to have my baby and then reassess the situation.

Starting My Business

Six weeks after my daughter was born, I was already getting itchy feet. It turns out I was not born to be a stay-at-home mum. There is nothing wrong with this, of course. It just wasn't for me. Even though I had made the decision to light the way for my daughter, her arrival threw me into another spiral of identity crisis. Who was I without a career? What if I was a bad mother? The pressure! My anxiety was having the time of its life – running rampant through my system every minute of every day and night. To help me cope, I sought intellectual stimulation.

I decided to start my own business so that I could earn money, use my brain and be there for my child. I started out as a virtual assistant and quickly booked that out. So, I scaled it to agency level. I had found my groove. I was born to be an entrepreneur.

A few years in, I added business coaching to my list of services as I found that I was a natural at it. I booked my calendar out again. This may all sound hunky-dory, but due to my peoplepleasing conditioning and self-worth issues, I was undercharging, overdelivering and working insane hours to make my business dream a reality. However, I loved it – and still do – but some part of me still felt unfulfilled. The opportunity to start my own publishing company came along and I jumped in with both feet, with no plan and a whole lot of trust. I knew that this was the missing piece.

A business and an entrepreneur thrive best when dancing gracefully between both the masculine and feminine parts of running a business. We need the masculine so we can develop systems and find the drive to keep going even when things get tough. We need the feminine to be our guiding light, the force that shows us what to do next for the greater good of ourselves, our company, our family, our community and the world. The feminine is the creatrix who stands at the forefront of the business to ignite change and impact.

My purpose as a woman, and as a human, is to not only show others what is possible but also to leave the world a better place than how I found it. This is at the forefront of everything I do. When I am afraid, I remember why. When I suffer from imposter syndrome I remember why.