FOOTBALL VS THEMEDIA
THIS TIME IT’S PERSONAL!
Colin Kazim-richards said farewell to Feyenoord after threatening to put a journalist to sleep. It wasn’t the first time the press have been on the receiving end…
DUCK! IT’S DIEGO!
Diego Maradona is as good at menacing reporters as he is at playing keepy-upp keepy-uppy with an orange. Last year he unleashed war at a ‘Match For Peace’ in Bogota, whacking a phone out of an interviewer’s hand hand, and in 2014 he slapped a writer across the chops at a theatre (after the slapee had winked at his partner, admittedly) admittedly). But his Sistine Chapel of journo-jostling came in 1994, when he started shooting reporters with an air rifle, injuring four and getting a suspended sentence in return. We’re saying nothing.
FROM HERO TO ZERO IN TWO DAYS
“How was your week, Miguel?” you imagine Señor Herrera’s mother might have innocently enquired in July 2015, getting a muttered reply about taking the kids swimming. In reality, the Mexico gaffer had enjoyed a real doozy: on the Sunday he’d won the CONCACAF Gold Cup against Jamaica; on the Monday he’d given sportscaster Christian Martinoli a punch inn the neck for slatingng his side’s style; and on the Tuesday he’d been sacked. He’s Mexico’s Solomon Grundy.
ALBA GETS THE WRONG MAN
You might be surprised to hear Jordi Alba is a hothead hothead: he even flipped the bird to Real Madrid fans once. But sportswriter Javier Matallanas c could be considered a tad unlucky when Alba thundered up to him after Spain’s 2014 World Cup exit and shouted: “I’ll rip your head off!” Matallanas was baffled, claiming: “I’ve not written anything about him!” Alba,Alba it later emerged, might have confused the scribe with another commentator,commentator who had branded him “woeful”.
MOVE ALONG, NOTHING TO SEE HERE…
It’s just another national scandal involving a hungover goalkeeper and the Pope. In 1980, Jozef Mlynarczyk had been boozing before Poland’s trip to Rome, and his assistant boss decided to leave him off the flight. His team-mates protested, and subversive forward Stanislaw Terlecki – who’d defied communist authorities by arranging a meeting with John Paul II – distracted press men at Okecie airport from getting a picture of the bladdered custodian by yelling and grabbing cameras.
READY, STEADY, BRAWL
South Americans are world leaders in the field of 22-man brawls, but even for them, the paggas are usually kept among the players. In Brazil, however, the habit of allowing tabard-clad reporters to run onto the pitch can be antagonising, and in 2010, Goias manager Emerson Leao saw red when one shoved a mic in his grill. The silver-haired ex-selecao keeper had to be restrained by his players, who then waded into the press pack themselves. Nice.
NASRI TURNS ON THE CHARM
French national team meltdowns are one of the most fun things in football: glorious symphonies of grumpy shrugging and backbiting. Samir Nasri chose to get narky with a journo after a Euro 2012 defeat to Spain, advising a writer to “Go f**k your mother, you son of a bitch” before inviting him to “settle it outside”. Naughty Nasri was banned by the French federation for three games. Merde!
“NEVER MIND THE GAME YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT RITUAL SACRIFICE?”
Maybe we weren’t paying attention in journalism school, but we can’t remember the bit where you’re encouraged to accuse players of witchcraft. That hasn’t stopped Ghana’s finest: poor Asamoah Gyan (below) had to be restrained during the 2014 World Cup in Brazil when a writer booed him, then last year a reporter sensitively asked Gyan whether he had ‘sacrificed’ his dead friend, the rapper Castro, as part of a ritual. The forward again had to be held back back, and his brother was later accused of beating up the hack, although the charges were eventually dropped.
A REAL PUNCH IN THE BALLS
As chairman of Iranian outfit Esteghlal, Bahram Afsharzadeh was giving what seemed to be a workaday interview – before suddenly sucker-punching his inquisitor’s testicles. The howl of stomach-sickening agony will haunt anyone who has ever received a major blow to the chandeliers. Afsharzadeh walked off, delivering a glare that’d leave Louis van Gaal cowering in a corner. Disturbing.