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striker is scared of snowmen He may be Norwegian ‘royalty’, but the former Swindon and Boro
Hi Jan. There’s a great book called The Almost Nearly Perfect People which claims Scandinavians are the happiest people on earth. Would you agree with that assessment? Oh yes, we love being in a country where there’s no sunshine for six months, it’s freezing cold, and we sometimes have bad summers! But yes… somehownorweg iansarehappy . How is this possible in such consistently adverse conditions? We’re in a well-functioning democracy, we e have freedom of almost everything, we are close to Mother Nature,ature, we have ve got one of the longest coastlines in Europe, and Olso is a great city. Fair enough. Now, whatat mark would you give yourself out of 10? I’ll go for an n eight. I’m deducting a point for the knee injury that ended my football career, and another nother point for the sake of it so I know that I can be more happy. The secret is to be passionate about what you do. Wise, very wise.. Now, your name is an anagram of ‘Jog off, ran an at a jet’. Do you often find yourself sprinting for a flight? I always get there really early if I’m travelling on my own. I like to sit and read. But I’ve been married for 27 years and my wife would be happy to leave the house when the plane is boarding. So sometimes for family holidays we can be a bit more hurried. All Norwegian names seem to make for great anagrams. Stig Inge Bjornebye, for example, is amazing: ‘jobber ginseng yeti’, ‘eery jesting gibbon’, ‘beery ingesting job’, ‘enjoying big berets’... I quite enjoy berets. I was in the army by the time I was 19, and we always had to wear berets. I was a driver. NATO and Norway were incredibly safe during that year, due to me and my hat. Would either you or Stig enjoy a job ingesting beer? I don’t really like beer, so it would be a terrible job for me. For Stig? No comment… Did you ever visit Swindon Steam Railway Museum during your time with the Robins? Gus Poyet never went, and later apologised to the good people of Wiltshere. I did go! But for me, the main attraction in Swindon is the magic roundabout. It’s a huge roundabout and it has about six or seven other roundabouts within it. I always sent my Norwegian friends there. I’d tell them: “If you can get through this, you are a true man. man.” I was all right as an army driver, even though we drive on the right side of the road road. What about the Captain Cook Birthplace Museum when you were at Boro? They ha have a stuffed koala and a fine array of compasses. I didn’t go there, but I did live in a castle during my time with Middlesbrough –Wilton Castle – so that was pretty good. I was very happy to live like a king. Do you ever make snowmen, or has the novelty rather worn off? I am an absolute master of building snowmen. It’s part of our education. The key is a good, big carrot, and very black eyes. Jo Nesbo wrote a great book called The Snowman Snowman. They can be quite scary. I remember turning on the lights in my house very late one night and my children had built a sinister snowman that was staring into the window. It scared the s s**t out of me. Eek. If your team was allowed one extra ‘free’ player, but they were just a an untrained citizen – Norwegian Prime Minister Erna Solberg, perhaps – would it make sense to deploy them, or would they do more harm than good? I’d play them, for sure. I think Erna would do quite a good job as a No.6. She’s got natural authority, and would be a management type on the pitch. It would help. Great. Finally Finally, is Kanye West a genius or a bit of a wally? The Kardashian guy? Oh he’s a genius. I’m sure he will solve all of the world’s crises very soon.