Alderney take on the giants of Guernsey

Inventing a cup competition and then not winning in it for nigh-on 100 years isn’t much fun. Welcome to the Channel Islands’ very one-sided derby

The scene is a beautiful, sunny evening on the sleepy Channel Island of Alderney. Framed by the deep blue of the ocean on the horizon and the imposing Fort Albert above, a group of footballers are running drills under the watchful eye of their coach, who stands, arms folded, surveying the scene. “We could have done with a bit of snow, maybe even a blizzard, but it doesn’t look like we’re going to get one,” he smirks.

Alan Adamson is a dental technician by trade but also Alderney’s coach for more than a decade, and looking at the task facing his side, he has every right to crave force majeure. As they prepare for the visit of Guernsey in 48 hours’ time, the Ridunians are on a 96-year losing streak in the Muratti Vase, the Channel Islands’ annual football competition.

Alderney, the pain has lingered much longer, as they close in on a century of derby defeats

The Muratti is an annual fixture between Jersey and Guernsey, but what many people don’t realise is that there’s actually a semi-final, too. Every year one of Jersey and Guernsey must see off Alderney to book their place in the final. The last – and only – time Alderney upset the odds was in 1920, a result attributed to the large number of servicemen on the island after the First World War.

Since then, Alderney’s players have suffered a bruising time at the hands of their bigger neighbours. An 18-0 reverse in Jersey in 1994 still haunts those involved. Alderney’s team were grounded for hours by fog and had to get changed on the bus en route to the game. After that shellacking the rules changed, so Alderney always host one of Jersey or Guernsey, rather than making the 20-minute plane journey to one of the larger islands.

But there have also been a few near misses, which Alderney’s football lovers remember with great pride. In 2002, Jersey arrived under the management of Chelsea legend Ron ‘Chopper’ Harris. The iconic hard man obviously expected very little from the opposition, so when the sides went in at half-time with the score 1-1, his expletive-ridden team talk was heard by everyone in the ground. Jersey eventually grabbed a winner, but Alderney’s 2,000-odd residents still recall Harris’ disgust with glee.

Last year, Jersey left with a 5-0 win. Guernsey won 4-0 in 2014; in 2013 the scoreline was a crushing 9-2 defeat for the hosts; and before that, 7-0. The history books are far from encouraging (they also record 10-0 defeats to Jersey in 1987 and 2000, and a 12-0 hammering by Guernsey in 1978) and the task for Alderney has become even more fearsome in recent years. Guernsey FC have

entered the English League system and currently play in its eighth tier, in the Ryman South. While Guernsey play semi-professional football week in, week out, Alderney haven’t played a game of any kind in months.

Guernsey’s decision marks a schism in Channel Islands football. While Jersey, now led by former Aston Villa boss Brian Little, have put their efforts into achieving international recognition and following Gibraltar into UEFA, Guernsey have opted to try to develop players on the island by taking a place within the FA pyramid. There’s still fierce debate about which route will yield the best long-term gains.

FOOTBALL PROGRESS IS HAMPERED BY LOW BIRTH RATES ON THE ISLAND

For Alderney, the bi-annual Island Games is a major source of international competition, and it provided a rare taste of success in 2003 when they triumphed 1-0 over Estonian island Saaremaa. In Jersey last year they suffered defeats to Jersey (6-0), the Isle of Man (7-0) and the Western Isles, AKA the Outer Hebrides (3-2). Alderney have also dabbled in NON-FIFA competitions organised by the Confederation of Independent Football Associations (CONIFA) and on their clubhouse wall is a pennant for a clash against Sealand, an offshore fort micronation who beat them 2-1 back in 2013 with The Royle Family actor and ringer Ralf Little featuring for them in attack.

In an Indian restaurant on the eve of the game, coach Adamson, Alderney FA President James ‘Maxi’ Maxwell and long-standing fan and sponsor Reg Atkins explain why hopes are especially low for this year’s visit of Guernsey.

“There was this short spell when suddenly loads of boys were born on the island,” Adamson explains. “I had three boys, two of them twins; Maxi had a son, Ross; and Pete had Josh. [Pete Concanen used to play for Alderney; Josh is now the team’s playmaker.] So we wanted to give them a chance to play. Our lads all know each other and it doesn’t matter if they can’t train together, but there’s barely anyone else on the island to make up a team.”

Birth rates in Alderney are low. In fact, last year’s total of eight babies is being touted as a high. Due to the lack of midwives on the island, pregnant women generally fly to Guernsey to give birth, chartering a plane when the moment of labour arrives.

As well as the national team, Alderney’s players have a club team, the Alderney Nomads, who compete in the Guernsey leagues. Last year they pulled off a remarkable achievement, winning the Jackson League, Guernsey’s second division. It was no small feat given that just to enter they had to raise the airfares to fly a team over for each game, which can amount to around £7,000. The trophy win meant a lot to the young squad and even more to Adamson and Maxwell, whose young sons were both on the field, replicating a league win that their fathers had achieved decades earlier.

“I’m not sure I’m allowed to say it was the greatest night of my life, but it was,” Maxi grins. “Our boys were taking that trophy back to Alderney. It doesn’t get better than that.”

This season, however, the Nomads were forced to pull out of the league after just one game. Money wasn’t the issue – they simply didn’t have enough players. Alderney’s population is not just shrinking; it’s ageing, too. The island’s schools have shrunk from having around 450 pupils to nearer 100, and as a result there’s not a lot of fresh talent to step forward on the Muratti stage. When several key players went abroad, the Nomads were left without 11 men on a weekly basis.

For the Guernsey game, players came back from the UK mainland and from Guernsey, several of them paying over £200 for return flights just for the chance to wear the colours. Maxi’s son, Ross, had been travelling in New Zealand and Thailand before being called back for the game at 36 hours’ notice. The rising number of injury problems meant that his selection in the team had gone from being unlikely to being essential.

“It’s a shame that you’re here this year,” president Maxi sighs to FFT. “This is probably the least chance we’ve had of winning in 20 years. Everyone’s injured. I may just have to bring my boots at this rate!”

However, the underdog tag is one that Alderney’s players wear with pride. In fact, they seem to revel in it. Almost every game in the team’s recent history seems to be prefaced with a tale of post-match and often pre-match drunkenness.

“At the Island Games in Jersey, we were playing on an artificial pitch that had cost something like £1 million to install – not quite our rabbit-eaten pitch,” Maxi recalls with a chuckle. “Guernsey brought their own chef, while our boys went and queued up for fish and chips. Then they had a few drinks. That’s the Alderney way.”

“People ask me: ‘Can we win?’ I say: ‘It’s been 90-odd years so it’s not bloody likely, is it?’”

The Alderney spirit seems to come to the fore in moments of adversity. The team never takes things too seriously – a refreshing and, frankly, necessary trait given their position in world football. “I remember that day in Jersey [the 18-0 defeat] – Maxi nutmegged their captain and then showed him the finger,” Adamson laughs. “I had to yell to remind him we were 17-0 down!”

While the Alderney camp is happy to downplay their hopes of an upset, they do not seem too delighted at being dismissed prematurely by their neighbours.

“Just one time, I want them to have to re-print the programme,” Reg says. “Every year, they print the programme for the final before the semi-final has even been played. Some years, they’ve booked their flight home so early that there wouldn’t even be time for extra time. It’s been 96 years of hurt, but one day we’ll have the last laugh.”

“NO TEAM HAS A DIVINE RIGHT TO WIN A FOOTBALL MATCH”

The morning of the game is glorious, and in a pub on Victoria Street, Alderney’s busiest road, unofficial bets are changing hands on the result. The most popular predicted scoreline is 12-0 to Guernsey.

In a small café sits captain Andy Lawrence, 31, sipping a cappuccino with his wife Lauren and baby son Oliver, mentally readying himself to plough a very lonely furrow as Alderney’s sole striker. Andy, known as ‘Blondie’ by team-mates, informs FFT that while the majority of the Alderney players were tucked up in bed early the night before, a few had made no secret of their intention to partake in a beer or four to loosen them up.

As Andy talks, Guernsey’s squad files in, track-suited and looking every bit the semi-pro side. There don’t appear to be any hangovers here. Andy points out the dangerman, Ross Allen, who is widely believed to be Guernsey’s best ever player – a lethal striker who is just one hat-trick against Alderney short of breaking Muratti Vase records.

“I’d like us to keep it below 10,” Andy says thoughtfully. “Something like 5-0 would be great. But a goal would be fantastic – I’ve played in about 10 Murattis now, and I don’t think I’ve really had a chance. “I think I’ve got a fair few Murattis left in me, but after that I like the thought of helping to coach school football. Maybe Oliver will score a Muratti goal one day.”

There had been hopes in the Alderney camp that Guernsey would bring a weakened team, but seeing their chances of making the Ryman South play-offs fade seems to have left them free to bring their strongest line-up, even though several players will be in league action the next day.

An old London Underground railway carriage makes the short trip along the sea front on the only rail track in the Channel Islands, carrying fans in the blue and white of Alderney to the Arsenal Ground. Some fans have painted their faces, there’s a handful of replica shirts on show, and well in advance of the 1.30pm kick-off a few show signs of having ingested a heroic amount of alcohol.

At the ground, Pete Concanen is filling in holes on the field that have been made by rabbits. The pitch has been taken in to its minimum legal size. Adamson has been giving interviews to the local press, gamely deflecting the usual questions. “I’m not sure what they expect me to say,” he shrugs. “They always ask: ‘Do you think we can do it?’ I say to them: ‘Well, it’s been 90-odd years of getting beat, so it’s not that bloody likely, is it?!’

“Still, it’s a beautiful day for football. It’s just a shame we’re not going to be playing any of it. I could probably play in goal for Guernsey today and it wouldn’t make any difference.”

As the Alderney players warm up, looking encouragingly hangover-free, Guernsey players in green and white kits eye the pitch with suspicion. Some of the 200 or so Alderney fans pore over a newspaper article in the Guernsey Press. There are raised voices.

“It seems that the game of football, as far as Alderney is concerned, is on its last legs,” an op-ed reads. “All the signs are of an island

“I’d like us to keep it below 10-0. 5-0 would be great”

going through ever-slower and less enthusiastic motions in terms of playing representative football. The question is: just how long can it carry on for? And at Muratti level, should it?”

The locals are understandably livid, not least because the Muratti actually originated in Alderney, back in 1905. Suggestions start to do the rounds among spectators that Guernsey have brought their strongest team in order to deliver a humiliation so harsh it can be used to justify Alderney’s exclusion in future years. The mood becomes tense as the officials from Jersey get the game underway.

A hush falls over the ground. The Alderney fans await the inevitable – the first goal to open the floodgates. Ross Allen gets into space and connects with a well-hit volley, but it flashes wide. A header comes in from a cross; however, Alderney goalkeeper Jamie Laband makes a smart diving save.

The clock creeps on and the volume increases. Alderney’s shape is excellent and Guernsey struggle to find any space. Josh Concanen rallies the troops again and again, debutant Dante Walker is everywhere and Ross Benfield looks very authoritative considering he was on a beach in Thailand three days ago. Andy Lawrence chases tirelessly and competes for every header, even though he’s a good 50 yards from the nearest team-mate when he wins a flick-on.

Every player is closed down quickly, and Guernsey start shooting from distance. Each time a shot goes high and wide there are cheers of delight from the home fans. “You should’ve gone to Specsavers!” chirps one wag after a wayward effort, name-checking one of Guernsey’s biggest businesses.

It takes until the stroke of half-time for the spell, and the deadlock, to be broken. A mistimed challenge results in a penalty to Guernsey, which Allen coolly converts. Disappointment is in the air, but with the hosts trailing just 1-0, the Alderney players are applauded off the pitch at the interval.

In the dressing room at the break, the Alderney players are clearly trying not to get carried away, knowing it could still end up being a rugby score. When Adamson asks how his men are feeling, very few believe they can make it through the entire game.

The second half starts in much the same vein. The hosts are well organised. Laband makes another fantastic reflex save to tip an effort over the bar and Guernsey begin to take potshots from distance again, but Alderney bodies are routinely sacrificed for the cause. Players begin to go down with cramp at every turn, but the score remains 1-0 and the fans get louder and louder, knowing their men are potentially one moment of magic away from history. In the crowd, some fans even begin to discuss whether they could make the Muratti Final as they haven’t booked their holiday yet.

Every now and again Alderney break with the ball, causing giddy excitement, but counter-attacks sputter out quickly. Then, with just two minutes left, Alderney win a free-kick. Everyone is waved forward – even goalkeeper Laband ventures up. The kick is cleared, forcing Laband to scramble back to his goal, but as the final whistle goes you’d have been forgiven for thinking Alderney had won.

After the game, winning manager Steve Sherman diffuses any tensions caused by the Guernsey Press by visiting the Alderney dressing room to congratulate the team on their effort. In the clubhouse, Sherman addresses the gathered players of both teams, fans and officials and insists: “No team has a divine right to win a football match. We have always had a tough game here and we look forward to many more to come. See you in a couple of years.” Just like that, any discord is gone, and the Alderney players begin to enjoy a hard-earned drink or 10, having battled to one of the best results in the island’s history.

After the celebrations die down, captain Lawrence pens a triumphant response to the Guernsey Press, insisting: “Alderney football is in good hands and going nowhere. We know we are expected to suffer a heavy defeat year after year, but, as Saturday proved, we can match Guernsey and Jersey from time to time.”

The most unlikely of successes – albeit still a defeat – will have only served to strengthen Alderney’s resolve to make sure that a team enters the Jackson League for next season, giving them a better shot than ever of ending one of football’s longest losing streaks when Jersey come to town in April 2017. And as everyone in football knows, you’re only as good as your last result.