A Scottish tribute to Messi

It’s official: Cristiano won’t be ending his career with Inverness Caledonian Thistle

During the long career of Lionel Messi, many incredible things have been produced in his honour – massive artworks in Barcelona, the touching plastic bag strip worn by a child in Afghanistan, and that statue in Argentina that people keep decapitating. But surely none will mean as much to him as the furry green creature recently unveiled at Inverness Caledonian Thistle.

When the Scottish second-tier club were coming up with a new mascot, they felt it needed an imaginative name. Presumably considering but dismissing other alternatives such as Thistliano Ronaldo, they opted for a Loch Ness monster named after another five-time Ballon d’or winner.

“Messi is one of the best players ever to have played,” explained club chairman Graham Rae. “Messi rhymes with Nessie, so we have the splendid combination of Lionel Nessi.” Thanks for clarifying, Graham, we’d have struggled to figure it out otherwise...

Lionel Nessi was revealed at one of world football’s most prestigious games: the Irn-bru Scottish Challenge Cup final against Dumbarton, which Inverness promptly went and won thanks to Carl Tremarco’s 93rd-minute tap-in. Lionel Nessi 1 Thistliano Ronaldo 0.

No doubt a seething CR7 got straight on the phone in an attempt to put things right.

“Hello, is that Partick Thistle? It’s Cristiano Ronaldo. I’ve got an idea for a mascot...”