Mad stuff: Scouser in a mankini
It’s the greatest offer in the history of the world: for just £3,245, get your train ticket from Evo-stik Premier Division luxury straight to Pyongyang
1 EYE ON THE BALL There’s no doubting Ryan Gibson’s dedication to Bayern Munich: he has their logo on his eye. Gibson, an ex-navy serviceman from South Carolina, is a lifelong Roten supporter and gained permission from the club to use their logo on his prosthetic eye after suffering from ocular melanoma, a rare cancer.
“When people see it, they say, ‘Shit, that’s badass’,” Gibson tells FFT. “I wanted something no one else had.”
He had the chance to meet Bastian Schweinsteiger recently, with the Bayern great now at Chicago Fire. Gibson also visited Munich and shared an emotional exchange with outgoing Bayern legend Franck Ribery. The Frenchman is Gibson’s inspiration, having forged a career in football despite facial scars obtained in a childhood car crash.
“Bastian loved my eye and passion for Bayern,” says Gibson. “I cried when I met Ribery. He said, ‘Don’t cry. Life throws a lot at us and you’ve been as strong as anyone’. That was the single greatest moment in my Bayern Munich fan journey, and my journey as a man.”
2 THE WEIRDEST HOLIDAY EVER Have you ever fancied visiting North Korea? Or always dreamed of watching Atherton Collieries in the Evo-stik Premier Division? Well, you’re in luck.
That’s right: Wigan-based company Lupine Travel are offering you the trip of a lifetime in September 2020, travelling from England to Kim Jong-un’s homeland via train. Even better, the 5,000-mile voyage starts at Atherton rail station, after seeing the local non-league side in action (yes, really).
Lupine Travel sponsor Atherton Collieries, and the excursion costs a meagre £3,245. It’s almost worth it for the match ticket alone.
3 TEAMS DON’T WIN TITLES, RAPPERS DO We never thought we’d see the day when RUN-DMC paraded the Checkatrade Trophy. In surprising news, the rappers were recently announced as Portsmouth fans. Why? Because it’s like that, and that’s the way it is (and because they were in Hampshire for a festival). Rev Run shouted, ‘Play Up Pompey’ as pal DJ Ruckus held the trophy, secured thanks to victory over Sunderland.
As rappers become more desperate to piggyback lower league glory, don’t be surprised if this starts a trend: look out for Snoop Dogg at Tranmere with the League Two play-off trophy, while Mike Dean punches the air and beatboxes in the background.
4 FULL MOON The first lesson of international football: if you want to play in the Africa Cup of Nations, don’t expose yourself on Fortnite a week before the finals.
Algerian player Haris Belkebla has had to learn that lesson the hard way. While his team-mate Alexandre Oukidja live-streamed himself playing Fortnite online, Belkebla dropped his trousers and bared his backside.
Coach Djamel Belmadi didn’t see the funny side, and Belkebla was axed from the squad. “There’s a real disappointment vis-a-vis myself,” said the Brest midfielder, adding a subtle David Brent touch to the whole proceedings, before muttering something under his breath about being a chilled-out entertainer.
5 “PETER, I DON’T WORK FOR SCHALKE ANY MORE…” Spare a thought for Peter Neururer: one minute he was returning to Bundesliga giants Schalke, the next he had agreed to join a fourth division club.
Neururer was Schalke manager in 1990, and said, “I’m in” when Josef Schnusenberg phoned in the same week that Domenico Tedesco was sacked.
However, Schnusenberg was no longer Schalke president, but a board member at SG Wattenscheid. “I was stunned, but I’d already given him my word,” sighed Neururer, unable to back out.
Presumably something similar happened when Claudio Ranieri ended up at Fulham.
6 ELF AND SAFETY RISK German side VFB Hilden made few headlines in the country’s fifth tier in 2018-19, but they more than made up for it as they went on a summer break.
The squad headed for Magaluf, dressing up as elves before causing havoc at Mallorca’s main airport. Players took full advantage of the airport travelators by lying down, splitting into groups and pretending to either be rowing squads or four-man bobsleigh teams. And when they arrived at the baggage carousel, one player slid head-first into the rest of his team-mates and floored the lot of them, as if they were skittles.
Onlookers looked bemused – but if it leads to more top content like this, here’s to another mid-table finish next season, lads.
7 “WE’VE WON - GET THE MANKINI!” There’s only one way to celebrate winning the Champions League title: by putting on a mankini and perching dangerously from a ladder.
One Liverpool fan did exactly that after the Merseysiders’ triumph over Tottenham in Madrid: when the squad returned to the city for a bus parade, he went full Borat, digging out a rather unflattering lime green mankini for the occasion.
As the coach went past, the portly middle-aged chap was atop a ladder on the roof of a house, giving everyone a view they hadn’t bargained for. It was a sight so unflattering that many of Jurgen Klopp’s squad instantly regretted beating Spurs at the Wanda Metropolitano, and started to wonder whether that glorious Anfield night against Barcelona in the semi-final had all been a terrible mistake.
Divock Origi, this is your fault.
8 A BRUSH WITH DEFEAT Things we’ve discovered this month: nothing irks Turkey players quite like a reporter trying to interview them with a brush.
Boosted by defeating France 2-0, the squad were feeling confident as they arrived in Iceland for their fourth Euro 2020 qualifier – until Emre Belozoglu spoke to the press at the airport and a cheeky chap used a brush instead of a microphone.
Debate ensued over whether it was a dishwashing or toilet brush, but Turkey slammed the ‘disrespect’, having also been held up in customs.
The Iceland mind games worked: Turkey lost 2-1. Their next trip is to Moldova – brushes at the ready...
9 TESTING TIMES There’s no need for a coach at Bulgarian side Cherno More: lie detectors are picking the team instead. Six players sat out Cherno’s final fixture of 2018-19 and it’s since emerged that they’d failed a polygraph, after a club investigation into claims the team hadn’t given their all in a match against CSKA Sofia. “They asked us to take a test and I replied, ‘There’s nothing to hide, we’ll do it’,” said captain Georgi Iliev. “Then they called six of us, showed us a sheet and said we were lying. I thought it was a hidden camera show, then I realised they were serious.” The sextet soon took a second test to prove their innocence, and passed. Everything settled then? Not quite. The rift with the club has remained and the players are still furious. Bulgarian polygraphs: they’re just a bunch of troublemakers.