Best & Worst: Liverpool

Award-winning author Dan Davies hails Jari Litmanen’s hair, Terry Mcdermott’s ’tache and Jan Molby’s accent

XI

BEST: Bruce Grobbelaar; Steve Nicol, Alan Hansen, Virgil van Dijk, Andy Robertson; Graeme Souness, Steven Gerrard, John Barnes; Kenny Dalglish, Luis Suarez, Ian Rush.

WORST: Loris Karius; Josemi, Torben Piechnik, Djimi Traore, Julian Dicks; Bernard Diomede, Alberto Aquilani, Paul Stewart; El Hadji Diouf, Sean Dundee, Andy Carroll.

PLAYER

B: Steven Gerrard – Anything was possible when he was on the pitch. W: Mario Balotelli – Never saw anyone in the shirt who looked less bothered.

MANAGER

B: Bill Shankly [below] – The architect, the visionary, the icon. W: Roy Hodgson – He single-handedly dismantled Liverpool’s long-standing cult of the manager.

GOAL

B: Michael Owen’s winner against Arsenal in the 2001 FA Cup Final

in Cardiff, a game we had no right to win. I jumped over three rows of seats to plant a kiss on the head of his dad. W: Demba Ba’s first goal at

Anfield in 2014. Too cruel that our long wait for the title should be extended because of a slip by the one player who wanted and deserved it the most.

MOMENT

B: Jerzy Dudek [above] saving Andriy

Shevchenko’s penalty to clinch a fifth European Cup in Istanbul. A religious experience for Reds fans. W: 15/04/89.

SEASON

B: 2000-01 – Three cup finals, three wins, culminating in an insane 5-4 victory against Alaves in the UEFA Cup final in Dortmund. W: 1993-94 – 8th in the league, knocked out of both cups early, rubbish team going nowhere.

CULT HERO

B: Jan Molby – The Dane with the almost-perfect Scouse accent, the turning circle of an oil tanker and the eyes in the back of his head when it came to picking a pass.

W: Eric Meijer – Very possibly one of Liverpool’s worst ever players, but for some reason we loved him.

KIT

B: Adidas three-stripe sleeves and trefoil logo with Crown Paints sponsorship, worn by the all-conquering

1987-88 team. W: Green-andwhite quartered monstrosity [right], worn by the Spice Boys when they lost to Manchester United in the 1996 FA Cup Final.

MERCHANDISE

B: A badge so minuscule that it’s barely visible to the human eye. W: Those fans who go to the opposite extreme and cover every inch of their body with badges, then get snapped and turned into social media memes.

GAME

B: 4-0 at home to Barcelona – I was convinced I was having a heart attack when Georginio Wijnaldum scored the second. I thought I’d had it and passed over to the ‘other side’ when he scored again a couple of minutes later. W: Losing 6-1 away at Stoke in Steven Gerrard’s 710th and final appearance for the club.

NICKNAME

B: John ‘Digger’ Barnes – Not due to Cliff Barnes of Dallas fame, but because his first three initials are JCB. W: Craig ‘Skippy’ Johnston – So much for the legendary wit of the Anfield

dressing room.

OPPONENT

B: Sergio Aguero – Scores against us every time. W: Everton – Whatever happened to the derby?

CHANT

B: ‘Scouser Tommy’. Goes on for an age, and if enough stay with it all the way through to the chorus, it becomes a defiant battle cry that never fails to make the hairs on your neck stand up.

W: ‘Who let the Reds out?’ The original chart hit was so deeply terrible it should never, ever have been adapted.

HAIRCUT

B: Jari Litmanen – Everything about him was perfect, including his hair. W: Andriy Voronin – the Ukrainian had a Conan the Librarian ponytail.

CELEBRITY FAN B: Daniel Craig – 007.

W: Stan Boardman – Routinely quoted at 100-1 whenever Liverpool were in the market for a new manager.

AWAY TRIP

B: Borussia Dortmund. W: Juventus, Roma, Manchester United.

COMMENTARY

B: “Four for Rush. Five for Liverpool” – Everton 0-5 Liverpool, November 1982. W: “Thomas... it’s up for grabs now...

Thomas, right at the end” – Brian Moore as Arsenal win the league title in injury time at Anfield, just a few weeks after the Hillsborough disaster.

FACIAL HAIR

B: Terry Mcdermott’s handlebar muzzy in the late-70s/early-80s. W: Abel Xavier’s peroxide beard made him look like he’d been trekking across the Arctic Circle.

HARD MAN

B: Graeme Souness – Still got it, as proved by his minor ‘studio off’ with Gary Neville before last November’s Manchester United-liverpool game at Old Trafford. W: Neil Ruddock – Dirty rather than hard or brave, which has never been the Liverpool way.

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