VIEW FROM THE STANDS

The big talking point among the fans is the capture of the gifted Youri Tielemans. So many fans offered to drive him back here, Monaco was in danger of turning from Formula 1 into Wacky Races. This season will be different because we have a universally appreciated manager who will stay for the season. Hopefully. Our most underrated player is Ricardo Pereira, who shouldn’t be playing for us in all honesty. Look out for the left-sided Luke Thomas. He might be next in line. The best away ground is Selhurst Park. Give me a traditional ground with good acoustics over a decent view, any day of the week. The best away fans are not in the Premier League, usually. Aston Villa will go into the top three. The opposition player I secretly admire is Wilf Zaha. Fantastically entertaining to watch, he loves his club and seems like a nice chap. The one change I’d make to the club would be to add some white pinstripes to our home shirt, as per our 1983 classic. The pantomime villain will be VAR. I hate it. I’m not a dinosaur or a luddite: it’s ruining the game. The fans’ opinion of the gaffer is total popularity, no pressure. Well, maybe not but he’s perfect for us, especially with our current crop of youngsters. He’s returned pace to our passing and the football has been brilliant to watch. If he left, he should be replaced by Jamie Vardy. Player-manager. Press conferences would be a joy. We’ll finish 6th. Go on, print that. Oh, you have. Now I’m in trouble.