HARCHESTER’S HEROES They came, they conquered… they did some weird stuff. Behold, the Dragon’s Lair diamonds

Ward- Prowse’s seven league strikes in 2018- 19 included one at home to fellow strugglers Fulham, which lifted Southampton Idolised out of the marksman relegation who zone enjoys three spells with Harchester. ‘ Fletch’ gets accused ( but acquitted) of murder, serves a ban for cocaine use and even survives a bus crash, but is finally iced by bonkers boss Don Barker. Legend.

Glamourpuss with liking for Argentine frontmen. She rises to chairwoman when her ex- hubby flees to Brazil, before bashing chief exec Prash Dattani on the head. Eventually released from the nick after three years inside.

The subject of Block’s affections, for which he becomes the subject of a murder attempt. After its failure, he continues as player- manager and negotiates a nice move to Real Madrid, but ends career at Boca Juniors.

High- profile striker who arrives from PSG in 2000. Magic Monday does the business on the field, but it turns out he also did it with the keeper’s missus. Still, avoids coach crash which kills three players on way to UEFA Cup final.

Swept up in a scandal as gaffer Patrick Doyle tries to guarantee relegation. The tormented keeper is forced to throw matches, then takes his own team hostage at half- time and gets gunned down in the tunnel by armed officers.

Midfielder with self- harm issues. The gutted star is sidelined for Euro 2004 after an awful leg break, but escapes an explosion which wipes out most of Harchester’s squad and soon represents England at the 2006 World Cup.