CHELCEE ‘ PENSIONER’ GRIMES
The footballer- cum- songwriter discusses driveway dreams, trashing hotels and bashing The Beatles
Hi. You recently asked your Twitter followers to recommend someone to build you a driveway, then said, “I’ve never asked for anything so old in my life!” What’s so old about driveways? They’re a fascinating subject.
Hi. It was one of those things. I started writing it and just thought, ‘ This is such a pensioner kind of thing to be saying’. Not many of my friends have ever had a driveway done. I felt I was pushing it. But you know, some people helped me out and it’s getting sorted next week! What kind of driveway have you gone for? Tarmac? Pebble?
Resin. Apparently it’s the new ‘ in’ thing for driveways. I saw some nice ideas on Pinterest, and the fella said it was resin. God, this chat is putting years on me... Us too! What would be your fantasy driveway? A long twisty one with lots of crunchy gravel, that you can drive a vintage motor up like at the start of a film about aristocrats?
I don’t like gravel because it gets stuck in your shoes! But I wouldn’t mind one with a massive water feature. I’ve got a fountain in my living room, so to have a big one that you semi- circle around... would be epic. It’s the dream. Do you have other old person topics you’d like to share in this safe space?
I’ve got some electric salt and pepper dispensers that light up – people seem pretty impressed with them. Do you relish a night in with blankets, slippers and a big mug of Ovaltine?
Oh yes, I love a night in. I’m a Taurus, so I love to sleep and eat.
Old folk on Facebook claim Bill Gates started the ‘ Plandemic’ to inject us with tracking devices. Do you agree?
I don’t, although I know a few people on social media who support that. I’m not suggesting they’re absolutely nuts, but… I don’t get involved.
John Lennon never went to a football match, Ringo Starr is an Arsenal fan, Paul Mccartney follows “both teams” and George Harrison said, “There are three teams in Liverpool, I prefer the other one.” As a Scouser, would you say this is terrible from The Beatles? If there’s anyone in the world who can do whatever they want, it’s The Beatles. So I’m going to leave that alone. Go on. Slag off The Beatles.
I’m not going to do it. I’ll just say that I think they’re probably Liverpool fans deep down. John Lennon, if he’d had a TV, would have supported Liverpool. You’re a songwriter and a footballer. Our theory is that being a pop star is the best, as you can smash up a hotel room and everyone just thinks you’re a ‘ character’, but if you do the same as a footballer you’re called a moron. If you’re wrecking a hotel room, you’re an idiot either way. Somebody has to clean it up, so it doesn’t really work for me. I leave hotel rooms as I find them. Pop stars also last forever if they’re good. Mick Jagger still gets to play at Wembley, but if Jurgen Klopp tried to throw 70- year- old Kevin Keegan into the mix, he’d get booed.
It’s a fair point. The difference between a pop star and songwriter is right there. It’s like being a player or manager. It’s rare for footballers to play beyond 35. Ryan Giggs and Teddy Sheringham are an exception, and pop stars have short shelf lives. You can go on for longer as a writer – so I’m more of a gaffer now. Lastly, you share a birthday with Line
of Duty’s Vicky Mcclure. Would you enjoy a career nicking bent coppers?
I’ve just seen episode one. My mum is a huge fan and everyone is going nuts for it, but I wasn’t sure whether to stick with it. Working for the anti- corruption squad would be brilliant. I’d also arrest anyone who trashes a hotel room! Good point! Thanks for chatting…
Cheers.
“I’VE GOT A FOUNTAIN In MY LIVING ROOM. A HUGE ONE On MY DRIVEWAY IS THE DREAM”
Chelcee has been presenting a series for Samsung KX, helping young people to perfect their CV. For more details, visit samsung. com/ uk/ kings- cross/ discover