Marcus Maddison: why I quit

EFL • non- LEAGUE • SCOTLAND MARCUS MADDISON The former Peterborough star has left professional football at 27 to play for eighth- tier Spalding, and tells FFT how he fell out of love with a cruel game

You’ll be a Spalding United player for 2021- 22. What’s the story there?

I came away from football at Bolton in April thinking, ‘ I don’t want to do this any more’. I didn’t want to be part of the game I’d lost all of my love for. The politics just got to me. I enjoyed playing but not the other stuff that comes with it, so I was like, ‘ No, I’m done with this’. But then Gaby [ Zakuani, his former Peterborough team- mate who is now Spalding’s manager] called me up and explained that I could play part- time. It’s been like a new lease of life for me.

When was the last time that playing football gave you joy?

When I look back at my career, I’ve not been happy for a very long time. I liked the Saturdays and Tuesdays – but I’ve always hated the day- to- day life of a footballer. I hated going to training every day. Even at Peterborough when things were going very well, there were days when I’d get in my car thinking,

‘ I might just put this in a ditch, take a photo and then I don’t actually have to go in today’. I used to be ‘ ill’ quite a lot, waking up with a headache and not going to training. It was a long time that I wasn’t happy, but the matchdays got me through it. For the past couple of years I’ve been on the bench, living away from home and hardly playing… I didn’t have that getting me through it, so it became a constant ‘ I hate this’.

Which parts did you find hard about being a professional footballer?

The football part comes easy, but it’s the rest. Being in a dressing room with 30 other blokes all the time – if you’re not an outgoing person, you’re sat by yourself for long periods and feel a bit isolated. Then you’ve got the politics of new contracts – if you don’t sign, you get phased out. That happened to me at Peterborough. I didn’t want to sign a new contract because I thought I’d had my time at the club, but as soon as I told them, they made life difficult for me. I wasn’t allowed to go to the training ground, so for a month before I joined Hull [ on loan in January 2020], I was just stuck at home doing nothing. When I eventually got to Hull, I needed some time [ to be ready] but couldn’t really have that. From there, my career has kept spiralling downwards, though there are several factors behind that. Being made to sit at home on my own was quite a big one – I wasn’t welcome at Peterborough any more.

You’ve mentioned ‘ all the abuse’ as a contributing factor behind stepping away – is that on social media?

Nobody would say things to my face! That was one of the toughest things I found. If people had said things to me in person I’d be like, ‘ Fair enough – that’s your opinion’. But when it goes online, they’re hiding behind a persona. I’ve had guys abuse me online and be nice to my face, which makes no sense – how could you do that to someone?

I had my car keyed, and got punched in the back of my head on a night out. There have been many different things.

In better times, you contributed to a string of ex- Posh strikers getting big transfers – not least Ivan Toney. What have you made of his rise?

I don’t have many friends in football, but Ivan is one. We got the best from each other, so I’m buzzing for him – I think he’ll do very well in the Premier League. He’s not lightning quick but his movement, finishing... everything about him makes him a great striker.

Lee Bowyer said “I don’t know why he isn’t in the Championship” after signing you for Charlton. Why didn’t your chance come sooner than Hull?

In my career as a whole, I always felt like people were against me. My stats

“I’D THINK, ‘ IF I DRIVE MY CAR IN A DITCH AND TAKE A PHOTO, I WON’T HAVE TO GO IN TODAY’”

and goals should have elevated me to a higher level sooner, and I always felt like I had a bad name in football for no reason. Other players would do far less than me and still get transfers. That’s how I look at it now – I feel hard done by. Some managers said my on- field demeanour… what was the word they used… a “moaner”. But that was just from frustration at not being able to do something or not winning – it comes from a competitive standpoint. When I moved to the Championship, I didn’t actually find it hard – I only played in seven matches, but if anything it was a little easier because you don’t have the rough and tumble, and get much more time on the ball. I honestly found League Two to be the hardest division I’ve ever played in.

Bolton was where everything ended. What happened there?

I can’t fault anybody at Bolton, to be honest. It just all went wrong for me personally. I went there wanting to do well, and that’s always been a thing I’ve found hard – when I’ve done that before, I’ve tried too hard and played terribly. I played my best when I was relaxed and didn’t really care. But at Bolton I was sitting in a hotel room at the stadium, broke my television the first day I arrived, got a red card on my debut against Morecambe, crashed my car… everything was going wrong. In the end you think, ‘ This isn’t meant to be’. In my last game against Harrogate, I got brought off at half- time having not played well. It was nothing against the gaffer [ Ian Evatt], but I said to my agent, “I’m going home. I don’t care what they say. I can’t do it any more.”

Since leaving professional football, you’ve stepped up the gaming and have your own streaming channel. Is that something you want to pursue?

I’ve always loved it, and play between six and eight hours a day. It’s a huge thing for me – I can remember playing

Crash Bandicoot as a kid, and I’ve been hooked ever since. I’ve just got to keep putting it out there. Hopefully people will see the videos and enjoy it – I play a bit of FIFA, Call of Duty… anything. We’ve been doing Resident Evil Village on stream recently, too.

What are you hoping your spell with Spalding will lead to?

I haven’t thought about it like that. If I had a good season, we did well and a team came in for me, I don’t know if I’d take it – a year is a long time. I’ll go to the gym and train twice a week with Spalding, but I’m just looking forward to having some ‘ me’ time. Whether in a year’s time I change my mind and go back to professional football, that’s a decision I’ll have to make. But as of now, I’m happy in myself.