WARREN ‘ HAVE A NICE DAY’ BARTON

The ex- Magpie berates John Beresford, rues razor blades and explains his favourite Americanisms

Hi Warren. You’re living in California these days – how’s it going?

I’m all right thanks, although I’ve just got a puncture, which isn’t ideal.

Are you on your bike?

No chance of that! I’m driving around LA. I think I’ve gone over a razor blade. Bad luck. Now, on Wikipedia it states that “during his time at Newcastle, John Beresford formed a formidable partnership with his doppelganger, Warren Barton.” Would you say you are John Beresford’s doppelganger?

Reluctantly! All I’ll say is I’m a natural blond and there’s about six inches in it, too. If he’s dying his hair, isn’t he my doppelganger? He’s older than me and has an MBE, though. So who knows?

We asked him and he said, “I’ve been called a lot worse, and if you’ve seen Warren Barton’s missus, you’d take it as a compliment.”

He’s 100 per cent correct. To be called his doppelganger, I’m gutted and he’s delighted. He’s doing cartwheels being compared to me.

We also asked John about the many fashion crimes you both committed during the 1990s. Do you feel shame?

Hang on. Beresford and Barry Venison… knock yourself out. They had some bad gear, but I pride myself on my clothes. You’re clutching at straws. John went to Baby Gap; I shopped at Savile Row.

Consider the record set straight! It’s a funny word, doppelganger. What’s your favourite word?

I use ‘ bloody’ a lot. In America, people think you’re James Bond, saying bloody this and that. They think you’re royalty.

When FFT visited America, everyone kept asking us if we knew the Queen.

It’s nuts! Americans will say, “I went to Manchester once and met a guy called Paul – you know him?” I always pretend that I do. “Oh yes. A lovely guy, Paul...”

You used to work in the mailroom of an accountancy firm.

Can we put the ‘ mailroom’ in brackets and say a renowned accountancy firm?

No. What’s the key to being great in the mailroom? Did you use a trolley?

Deliver on time and to the right person. I had a red trolley with chrome wheels and delivered like I played – bombing up and down the wings like a fiddler’s elbow. I got the job done. I’m still good at sealing and stamping – no problem. You don’t need the Royal Mail!

Do you prefer a miserable but honest postman, or a cheerful but false one?

I like the whole ‘ have a nice day’ thing. I like people saying it. I’d rather have someone in Starbucks who smiles and doesn’t mean it, than the grunt you get in England. They still expect a tip, too!

Terrible. Have you adopted any crazy Americanisms? Do you yell, “You got this!” or stuff about smashing goals?

I do like ‘ the bike’ for an overhead kick. I don’t call the goal ‘ the cage’ or the posts ‘ the pipes’, though. And they call a No. 6 ‘ a quarterback’...

Urgh. You have a travel agency – can you advise us on some holiday gems?

I’m a bit of a Judith Chalmers, yes. I’d recommend Venice, Kuala Lumpur and Singapore. And there’s a breathtaking place called Jackson Hole in Wyoming.

And the worst place on earth?

I won’t be rushing back to Ukraine, but let’s say Sunderland! Even if the sun is out... not great.

Oof. Which football manager would you most like to have as your dentist?

It’s got to be Jurgen Klopp. Look at his teeth! Pearly white. And he’s a top guy. You’d trust him completely.

Finally, as you live in Los Angeles: if you could join the Crips or the Bloods, which would you go for?

Neither, as I wouldn’t suit the bandana. Maybe that’s one for Beresford?

No doubt! Thanks for chatting!

Cheers.

Warren is a guardian of the 1892 Pledge scheme, encouraging Newcastle fans to raise money and eventually own part of the club. For details, see nufctrust. co. uk

“THE WORST PLACE? I WON’T BE RUSHING BACK TO UKRAINE. BUT LET’S SAY SUNDERLAND!”