Dean Saunders trains up waiters

After so long without crowds, fans reunited to witness one of the most dramatic tournaments for decades this summer. It began with trauma, but delivered unforgettable moments – including a Klopp lookalike and Roy Keane’s concert rage

STORY OF THE GROUP

The Euros begin in the only way any major tournament should from now on – with a little remote control car carrying the ball to the centre circle for kick- off, after a brief delay. “I thought for a minute it had broken down – that wouldn’t have been a good start,” BBC commentator Guy Mowbray ponders.

Italy soon take control of the group, cruising to easy wins over Turkey and Switzerland, who’d been pegged back by Wales in their opener after Kieffer Moore donned a headband and went all Karate Kid to level – completing the best lifeguard- to- stardom story since Pamela Anderson.

Rob Page’s team follow that up with a 2- 0 win over the Turks, achieved with fine displays from Aaron Ramsey and Gareth Bale ( below). Ramsey slots the opener, but Bale skies a penalty into the Caspian Sea after catching sight of himself on the big screen before the spot- kick and realising he’s on the telly.

Page is overheard on the pitchside microphones urging his men to, “Dig in, f** king dig in”, and co- commentator Robbie Savage spends the last half an hour of the contest asking “how long left?” at two- minute intervals, like a kid in the back of a car. Wales are home and hosed when Bale responds to his penalty blunder by brilliantly setting up Connor Roberts for a last- gasp second.

A 1- 0 defeat in Rome ensures they finish as runners- up, in a match that includes a bizarre cameo from Moore: sent on as substitute and told to jump in a comedy fashion with his arms by his sides, to avoid a potential yellow card and suspension.

Switzerland also progress ahead of Turkey – dark horses who instead head for the glue factory after a week. Two- goal Xherdan Shaqiri makes his biennial contribution to football by turning up at a major competition and looking the business, then falling off the face of the Earth for the next 18 months.

See you in Qatar, Xherdan.

THE GOOD

Andrea Bocelli delivers a spine- tingling rendition of Nessun Dorma before the opening match, while a woman gets swept away by balloons behind him.

Bocelli’s number is bettered only by Roberto Mancini’s Armani jacket, which he casually slings over his shoulder for interviews just to look cool. You don’t get that sort of thing from Senol Gunes.

THE BAD

Merih Demiral launches himself at the ball like he’s been shot out of a cannon, ensuring that this becomes the first Euros ever to start with an own goal.

Wales’ showdown with Switzerland is watched by fewer than 9,000 people in a 68,000- capacity stadium, despite a 50 per cent crowd being permitted. COVID rules meant that Wales fans were discouraged from travelling, to the disappointment of many, and local Azeris don’t seem bothered even with the lure of cheap tickets.

Plenty more turn up for Turkey’s two encounters in Baku, including one fan who’d decorated the back of his shirt with ‘ COVID 19’ for name and number. Questionable banter.

THE WEIRD

Hologram Bono appears for the initial airing of Euro 2020’ s official ditty – tripe which is played approximately seven billion times inside grounds for the rest of the tournament.

Pictures also emerge of former Wales striker Dean Saunders in an Azerbaijan restaurant, strangely giving impromptu tactical demonstrations to staff after a nice evening, and even whipping out a football to illustrate how to hold off a centre- half. The Baku Waiters XI may soon be unbeatable.

TV WATCH

The Beeb’s Steve Wilson tells viewers that petrol in Baku is only 30p a litre, in case anyone was thinking of nipping over for a driving holiday. He introduces Turkey vs Wales by saying, “It’s pretty much all or nothing, unless it’s a draw,” but his petrol facts are burned away by ITV rival Sam Matterface’s zinger that Italy’s Manuel Locatelli “is a massive fan of Murder She

Wrote”. “That’s a random stat,” responds Lee Dixon alongside him, not grasping what statistics are.

THEY SAID WHAT?

Impressed by the Azzurri’s first victory, BBC pundit Rio Ferdinand declares “that Italian performance will make people sit and stand up”. Go on, try it yourselves.

BOCELLI’S PERFORMANCE ON THE OPENING NIGHT OF THE TOURNAMENT IS BETTERED ONLY BY MANCINI’S JACKET