FEWER ATTEMPTS TO KILL FOOTBALL

Getting through a full season without some baffling scheme from Florentino Perez would be good – but don’t be surprised if he’s concocted a new plan after that whole European Super League thing. Such is the Real Madrid overlord’s philanthropic desire to ‘ save football’, has managed to obtain some of his brilliant new ideas:

a) All VAR decisions to be taken by Perez. If Madrid aren’t playing, Perez will weigh up his decision on what’s best for football, or if that’s not clear, which team he dislikes the most.

b) In place of the away goals rule, a new regulation where all Madrid goals count as double. Or if this still doesn’t work, kick out Chelsea.

c) Never- ending transfer embargoes for all teams except Madrid, and maybe Juventus. Man City and PSG forced to field their current teams for the next half a century – by the time Kevin De Bruyne and Neymar get to about 60, Champions League glory will be Madrid’s once more.