LOUIS VAN GAAL’S ONE GAME AT TELSTAR

It’s four years since Louis van Gaal retired from football – but everyone’s favourite Dutchman is on the comeback.

Even before the Netherlands job became a possibility for a third time following the ( very mutual) resignation of Frank de Boer after Euro 2020, the 69- year- old had already agreed to take charge of Dutch second- tier club Telstar... for one match only.

Situated in spellcheck’s Ijmuiden, just west of Amsterdam, Telstar finished 13th in the Eerste Divisie last season – thankfully, not enough to deter them from an amusing scheme that would see Van Gaal taking the reins of a September league match against Jong AZ in place of normal boss Andries Jonker, his former assistant at Barcelona and Bayern Munich.

As a player, the former Man United boss spent one season at the club in 1977– 78, but is now set to return for this one- game stint.

There’s more, too: Telstar even offered one supporter the opportunity to be Van Gaal’s number two for the day – a lottery has been taking place for the chance to sit next to him on the bench for the game, with all of the money raised going to charity.

It’s quite a prize: for the price of a humble lottery ticket, you too can listen to all of Van Gaal’s odd sex masochism jokes, and be the first person to receive his notorious stare when Jong AZ take the lead.