“ER, WHICH ONE OF YOU IS OUR NEW GOALKEEPER?”

When a little- known organisation called the WWE were looking to get their name out there in the UK, their multi- millionaire executives gathered around a table and came up with a solution: what about a partnership with Enfield Town?

Sure, the Isthmian League side aren’t Manchester United, but everyone knows that the [ checks notes]

Queen Elizabeth II Stadium is where it’s at. Quite an impressive ground name, to be honest.

Soon, young defender Jeremiah Gyebi was looking terrified as he posed for photos with Meiko Satomura and Dani Luna, while Levi Muir leapt about throwing punches. That’s definitely a straight red card.

NXT UK – the British branch of WWE – are based in Enfield, and they’ll have their name emblazoned across the club’s shirt this season thanks to a deal that was announced by wrestling legend Triple H.

It’s unknown if Hulk Hogan and Stone Cold Steve Austin will be paying a visit, but the first game of the deal saw Enfield Town beat Brightlingsea Regent 2- 0. Those new chokeslam tactics really came in handy.