John cusack fan club

SINEAD STUBBINS EXPLORES THE CAREER OF HOLLYWOOD’S MOPIEST LEADING MAN.

SAY ANYTHING (1989)

Say Anything was made in the pastel-hued rush of classic ’80s teen films, which means everyone has very big hair and does the deed to Peter Gabriel songs. Written and directed by Cameron Crowe – his directorial debut, in fact – this movie uses the classic ‘rich, smart girl falls in love with boy from the wrong side of the tracks’ trope to great effect. John Cusack plays an aspiring kickboxer (yeah, OK) who falls for Ione Skye at their high school graduation. But she’s going to England at the end of the summer to study… something! Oh no! John Cusack was in a bunch of romantic teen comedies in the ’80s, probably because he has a face like an incredibly forlorn puppy. (Fun fact: the guy who plays Ione Skye’s disapproving dad is also the guy who played Frasier Crane’s dad! Small world, huh?) This is the one where John Cusack… holds a boombox over his head outside a girl’s bedroom window. Try it with a Sonos speaker and see what happens. ...................

HIGH FIDELITY (2000)

It should be annoying that High Fidelity went from being a book about a record store in England to a movie about a bunch of American music snobs in Chicago. But it somehow isn’t annoying! This is partly because the guys who play the music snobs – John Cusack, Jack Black and Todd Louiso – so perfectly embody the soul, sarcasm and obscure t-shirts of every single man who has ever judged you on your music collection. In this movie, John Cusack plays Rob, a fellow who has recently been dumped by his long-term girlfriend and is searching for the reasons why in his past relationships/ extensive record collection. He also owns a record store where he and his employees regularly alienate customers who they believe to be lesser scholars of music. It’s the best cinematic representation (and criticism) of the oppressive music fanboi EVER. This is the one where John Cusack… makes a lot of top-5 lists and imagines his exgirlfriend having super-sweaty sex with Tim Robbins. ...................

THE THIN RED LINE (1998)

Cusack at war! The Thin Red Line is about the Battle of Mount Austen in the Solomon Islands during World War II, and goes for approximately 15 hours (actual time: 170 minutes). In it, John Cusack plays Captain John Gaff, who spends most of his screen time being worried, and also being shot at by Japanese soldiers. Do you know how many big stars are in this movie? Boy, are there a lot of big stars in this movie. Sean Penn, Nick Nolte, Miranda Otto, George Clooney, Adrien Brody, Jared Leto, Woody Harrelson, John C. Reilly AND John Travolta are all in this movie! John Cusack is probably the least famous one! Well, probably not, but it really is jam-packed. Like most Terrence Malick flicks, The Thin Red Line is very intense, and look, given it’s a film about the horror of war and fragility of life, that’s probably appropriate. This is the one where John Cusack… plays a soldier and stresses us all out.

SIXTEEN CANDLES (1984)

Before he was a leading man, John Cusack played the kind of nerd character who dares his friend to steal a pair of Molly Ringwald’s underwear to prove he’s had sex with her. Haha, good times. In Sixteen Candles, Cusack is Bryce, one of Anthony Michael Hall’s geek gang. Over the course of the movie, he operates an underwear-themed peep show; creepily strokes girls as they walk past him at parties (??); and wears a headset for no discernible reason. He sort of functions like a Greek chorus of really randy and socially inept young men. Sixteen Candles is a film that hasn’t aged very well (in terms of our modern tendency to prefer films that aren’t racist or sexist), so, if you’re looking for a John Hughes movie to enjoy, Pretty in Pink or The Breakfast Club will more adequately sate your appetite. This is the one where John Cusack… plays a geek who earnestly asks if female aliens have boobs. ...................

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH (1999)

If you haven’t seen Being John Malkovich, it’s a very strange movie to have to explain. Also, if you haven’t seen Being John Malkovich, what are you doing? John Cusack plays a failed puppet master (literally, that’s not a metaphor) named Craig, who works as a file clerk on Floor 7 1/2 of a very mysterious building. This building, coincidentally, also contains a small room that is a portal to actor John Malkovich’s brain. Craig and his colleague Maxine (Catherine Keener) start charging people to visit John Malkovich’s brain. Then, Craig-as-john Malkovich starts having an affair with Maxine, because his wife Loette (Cameron Diaz) is also cheating. Um, yeah, it gets pretty wild. This was one of writer Charlie Kaufman’s first collaborations with director Spike Jonze (the next being Adaptation, which Cusack makes a cameo in), and Cusack really leans into the weird. It’s also his seediest part to date. He is extremely sweaty and lecherous in this movie. It’s incredible to think that he was still cast in romantic comedies after his performance in Being John Malkovich. This is the one where John Cusack… enters John Malkovich’s mind/has gross, long hair. ...................

AMERICA’S SWEETHEARTS (2001)

America’s Sweethearts is the perfect movie to chuck on on a Friday night when you want to watch something, but also put on a mud mask, but also paint your nails, and also, you’re too tired to actually retain any plot details. It’s actually a pretty underrated rom-com considering the big stars in it. Here, John Cusack plays a Hollywood actor who, until recently, was in a power couple relationship with a big-shot actress, played by Catherine Zeta-jones. She cheats on him, he has a very public breakdown, but… they still have a movie to promote! A film publicist – played by Billy Crystal – enlists Catherine Zeta-jones’ personal assistant and sister – played by JULIA FREAKING ROBERTS – to help him convince the press that the couple is back together. But then, an unlikely love triangle and hurt feelings/hilarity ensue! Movie stars playing movie stars is my favourite film genre. This is the one where John Cusack… plays a Hollywood celebrity and has a fistfight with Hank Azaria. ...................

GROSSE POINTE BLANK (1997)

A very funny movie with a very good soundtrack (Violent Femmes! The Specials! Bowie!), Grosse Pointe Blank is one of John Cusack’s best. The black comedy follows an assassin named Martin Q. Blank (Cusack), who, after a failed hit and a visit to his psychiatrist, decides to attend his 10-year reunion in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. There, he reunites with high school girlfriend Debi (Minnie Driver), who he ditched on prom night to go join the army. But, uh-oh! The work of a hitman is never done, and soon Martin’s work starts to follow him home. Not only does John Cusack have a writing credit on Grosse Pointe Blank, but he also manages to sneak three of his siblings into the movie – Joan, Ann and Bill. (Of course, Joan and John have frequently appeared in films together – 10 all up – and you would be forgiven for considering her your favourite Cusack. In fact, I highly recommend playing ‘Who’s your favourite Cusack?’ at your next dinner party or social event.) This is the one where John Cusack… becomes your crush, to be honest.