MADISON & ROSEMARY

ROSEMARIE, 75: My daughter didn’t think she was able to have children, so it was lucky we got little Maddie. We all lived together – my two daughters, my two grandkids, their dads, my sister and me. I thought it was more important for my children to have jobs, so I gave up my part-time role to look after my grandkids. My sister and I managed that between the two of us.

I think it’s very special for kids to have grandparents around. I grew up in Sri Lanka with my grandmother looking after me, too. Over there, you’re brought up by the whole family. Mine was Catholic – we had to stick to the rules and go to church every Sunday. It was a big, loving family, but we weren’t allowed to be independent. We had to do as our parents told us. Usually, you end up with someone your parents have picked, or you marry a cousin. My ex-husband was introduced through my dad. I had to marry him.

I remember taking Maddie to kinder and the teacher said to me, “This little girl is going to be able to do whatever she wants in life. She’s a lucky girl.” Maddie’s always been independent and knows what she wants. I’ve never held her back and said she had to do this or that. Maddie’s grandparents on her dad’s side were very demanding and macho, so I think she went the opposite way and realised she needs to stand up for women.

Young people these days have it both easier and harder than me. They have a lot of freedom, but there are more expectations placed on them, and sometimes they’re not mature enough to make decisions. Girls now aren’t getting married at a young age. They’re living their life first and doing what they want to do. I was married at 20, and by the age of 24 I had three children.

I think women can do anything. I’ve been on my own for more than 20 years – I don’t need a man. We’re both independent, Maddie and I. I’m proud she’s doing her own thing; she’s different to everybody else in our family. They often say to us, “Oh, you’re such activists!” I was brought up to do what I was told, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more passionate about social justice. It’s something I was never allowed to bring out, as a woman.

MADISON, 24: My earliest memories of Nan have a lot to do with her hairstyle. One thing we both have in common is our thick, curly hair. There’s this photo of her holding me and her hair is dyed bright orange. I love it. My impression of her was that she was this edgy woman.

Growing up in the same house as Nan was amazing. I never felt as if my grandma was just my grandma – she was my mum, sister and friend. We grew up on a farm, so we did a lot of gardening and reading together. I remember running into an electric fence and Nan sprinted out to grab me. It was always me getting up to mischief and Nan resolving it for me.

From the beginning, she’s encouraged me to think critically and challenge what’s around me, not just willingly go along with whatever arbitrary rules are in place. She taught me to be critical of power structures, to trust your instincts and not take no for an answer. Being a migrant, I don’t think she was ever taken seriously. She came here and was thrust into a marriage that wasn’t ideal. And then, to raise three kids, too. I feel like she was very disillusioned with her surroundings.

When I was older, Nan started engaging with things I was posting on Facebook and I’d talk to her about my arts degree – about philosophy subjects and such. We’re both the black sheep of our family, and that’s sort of how we bond. We’ll always have each other’s back. I love her resistance; I love how she challenges herself and those around her, even at the expense of social ease. She’s been blocked on Facebook by so many of the Sri Lankan relatives who don’t like what she posts.

We talk to each other about feminist issues. I feel very confident talking to Nan about that stuff because I know how strongly she believes women will change the world. She says that often.

I don’t think much has changed about our relationship through the years. We’ve always been incredibly close. I’ll call her most days, if not every second day. We were once granddaughter and grandma, but now we have so much more in common beyond a familial bond. I’d be her friend, even if we weren’t related.