spammers, be gone
MICHELLE LAW HAS HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR COMMUNICATION SPAM.
Knock knock. Who’s there? An unknown caller. An unknown caller, who? An unknown caller who I’ve redirected to my voicemail because this is 2018 and who speaks on the phone these days?
Knock knock, again. Who’s there, again? The same caller. The same caller, who? The same caller who just left a voicemail, except now they’re also texting and emailing and sending Facebook messages, just in case I didn’t happen to see they’d tried to call.
Oh, I saw their missed call, all right. I saw their text message, and email, and Facebook message, too. My question is: Why stop there? Why not send a carrier pigeon or a dogsled team? If you’re so desperate to reach me, why not walk to my house? This kind of communication spam is next level, and I’ve been on the receiving end of it enough to know that it’s more than just ineptitude – it’s lazy and straight-up inconsiderate. Whenever it happens, I want to reach into my device, grab the offender by the shoulders and holler, “JUST ONE, MATE. CHOOSE ONE PLATFORM AND STICK TO IT.”
Most people get that each communication tool serves its own specific purpose: Facebook Messenger makes organising group hangouts and events easy because correspondents can leave the chat at any time. Snapchat is great for stupid selfies and drunken conversations that deserve to be erased the moment they’re opened. Phone calls are for emergencies and heartto-hearts. Generally, people appreciate that having multiple messaging platforms at our disposable is a gift, especially for those of us who are too busy (practically everyone) or suffer from social anxiety (hello).
But some people want to watch the world burn. They have no respect for social etiquette and thus belong in jail, with all the other white-collar criminals. It’s your sibling who comments on your Instagram post with a question, then immediately follows up on Whatsapp. It’s your boss who organises a Skype conference in order to discuss topics that were covered in an already comprehensive email. It’s your friend who makes dinner plans via Twitter direct message, only to send you the reservation details on Linkedin because they just happen to be logged in. Or maybe you’re that person. Maybe it’s you who’s part of the problem. In which case, please take this moment to delete at least one of your social media accounts.
All I want is for modes of communication to be streamlined – particularly when it comes to phone calls. Let me clarify: I don’t dislike speaking on the phone. In fact, I’m always down for a hearty gasbag, but that gasbagging needs to be scheduled in! I hate being caught off guard when I’m working, or cooking, or mid-wipe on the loo – give a gal some warning before she has to start offering life advice or debriefing on the goings-on of your day. Between family, relationship and work commitments, we’re all becoming increasingly time-poor, so there are few moments to devote to awkward phone chit-chat – or disjointed conversations taking place over multiple apps, for that matter.
Everyone has a preference in the way they contact people, and the way they like to be contacted, and it pays to understand this on both personal and professional levels. If you can identify that your colleague prefers texting to calling outside business hours, or that your kid brother exclusively uses Snapchat and not Messenger, follow their lead, and your relationships will probably benefit as a result. You might find that people respond to you quicker, or even start responding at all. Communication spammers, take note
– or you’d better drop the phone/tablet/computer and put your hands in the air where I can see them.