Nibblies done right:

START YOUR MEAL THE ITALIAN WAY WITH A TOP-NOTCH ANTIPASTO PLATTER.

How to put together a top-notch antipasto platter

There is no greater feat of human achievement than the traditional Italian antipasto – and if you don’t believe that, then clearly you haven’t been doing them right. As anyone fortunate enough to have grown up in an Italian home will know, antipasto (or antipasti, plural) is the highlight of any meal – even though its function is to tantalise rather than satisfy the appetite (hence the Pugliese term for antipasto, apristomaco, meaning ‘stomach opener’).

It’s been a thing since Ancient Roman times, when it was called antecoena (i.e. ‘before the cena’, or meal) and hit the big time in 16th-century Italy, when everyone agreed this was definitely the best way to digest food: by nibbling on lots of little amazing things, before diving headfirst into a plate of mushroom risotto, lasagne and zepoli (fried bread), then finishing with fruit (this is an actual meal people will feed you in Calabria).

But where to begin, should you want to whip up your own antipasto platter? Well, it’s facile (easy) as the mythical ‘pizza pie’ (fact: pizza is never a pie, unless it’s a calzone, in which case it’s still not a pie, but rather a pizza parcel). Just learn a few concepts, follow a few steps, and you’re on your way to Flavour Town, stopping at all stations, including Everybody Loves Me Now and Dear God, Where Did You Get This Cheese? STEP 1: GET A CRAZY-BIG PLATE Or two, depending on the number of guests you have coming over. But for the purpose of these instructions, let’s assume you’re entertaining 10 humans or less. You can go in three directions for your choice of platter: a basic white ceramic dish (cool because all the colours of your antipasto bits will really pop); a timber board (cool because it’s rustic and people can cut their own cheese on it); or whatever plate-like thing you have lying around, provided it’s big enough to accommodate heaps of stuff. Remember: technically there are no ‘rules’ for making an antipasto (other than including a variety of textures and flavours, and no Cheezels, on pain of death), so if it makes you smile, then it’s a goer. STEP 2: GO TO YOUR LOCAL ITALIAN DELI Trust us, your closest supermarket is not up to the job – unless you live in one of those incredibly fancy suburbs that has an incredibly fancy supermarket where everything is made of goat’s milk, or whatever. For this task, you need to go to the source. You need to find your nearest smallgoods-bearing Italians and/or Greeks. These people specialise in bringing the finest ingredients from their native countries to this here island, for the benefit of our collective stomachs – so cash in! Not only will you be able to get everything you need for your antipasto (and more – hello, weird breakfast pastries stuffed with Nutella and chocolate and covered in chocolate flakes), you’ll also score A-grade advice on what the best cheeses, meats and olives are on offer.

STEP 3: THINK VARIETY OK, so remember how we said “no rules”? Well, there is just one rule – though it’s not really a rule so much as straight-up, solid advice – and that’s to get as many different-tasting things on your antipasto platter as possible. You want to address all the flavour profiles in your selection: sweet, salty, sour and bitter. Why? Because the contrasting flavours will make all the individual items form a little conga line in your mouth and do sexy butt jiggles. Inscribe this into your brain: an antipasto is greater than the sum of its parts. So, get a dry, sharp cheese (e.g. a Parmigiano-reggiano); a smooth, creamy cheese (e.g. a Mozzarella); cured meats (your staples are prosciutto and a salami with chunky bits – don’t leave your deli without them!); marinated veggies (those colourful babies really bring the sweetness); tiny red peppers stuffed with tuna or cheese (if you like them – and you should), plus other tasty bits like anchovies or dips. Aside from the mouth-watering mix of flavours, the range of colours will also make your eyes rather happy.

STEP 4: DON’T FORGET THE BREAD By now, you’ve bought a bunch of ingredients: cheeses galore, meats galore, yummy olives, marinated veggies, maybe some nice nuts for a bit of crunch, and anything else you saw in the deli that looked groovy. But where is your bread? That’s right, it’s carb time – and whatever your position on baked goods is generally, some form of bread is non-negotiable here. People are going to want to soak up that delicious oil with something other than the palm of their hand, so grab a crusty loaf (the best is an Italian variety known as ‘farm bread’; it takes the shape of a big, swollen discus) and slice this up into baby-sized chunks. Or, you could nab some crostini. Bread sticks are also popular, but don’t allow you to soak anything up, so are pretty much pointless – unless, of course, you live for bread sticks, in which case, go nuts.

STEP 5: ASSEMBLE Now’s when you get to be super-creative. Sure, you can roll up your prosciutto into little cigars and arrange everything into tidy piles as per tradition, but it’s really up to you how this food fest comes together aesthetically. Cut up your cheese or leave it to your guests to slice it (either way, just remember cheese tastes best at room temperature, so if you’ve tucked your platter into the fridge, let it sit for at least 30 mins before revealing it to the troops); sort your antipasto into sections (cheeses in one area, meats in another, etc.); or arrange the elements to resemble a portrait of Che Guevara. Maybe add some garnish in the form of capers, chopped-up dill or parsley. No one’s going to complain about how you make it look – except for that person who has a mini breakdown because different foods are touching each other. And that person needs hugs, not judgment.