MARVIS JASMIN MINT TOOTHPASTE

I love Marvis. I will die for Marvis. The stark design of this tooth-juice packaging falls somewhere between Old English snuff box and muscle relaxant cream. Aside from a subtle ‘jasmin mint’, it features no sales pitches or gimmicks. Instead, there’s a simple portrait that looks as if it’s been broken off the end of a fancy teaspoon. Is this Marvis? It’s impossible to know. Everything about this company screams ‘so far up its own arse it can access those hard-to-reach places at the back of the jaw’. Marvis promises “rich, creamy toothpaste tingles in your mouth,” and a “mint taste dedicated to women,” which is by far the most forward proposition I’ve ever faced from a toothpaste. The cap looks like a wax seal. The paste tastes like those Lions Club peppermint rolls you used to get for 50 cents at a newsagency. Marvis is extremely over the top, and I love it with my life.