NILODOR SPRAY MIST DEODORISER

Despite the brand name, Nilodor does not have nil odour. It smells like a cross between Christmas cake and a urinal cake – sort of spicy, sort of citrusy, sort of like human piss – and that’s only the beginning of the issues. The packaging resembles a brand of spray-on sunscreen that also lives in my bathroom, so if I keep using it, there'll almost certainly come a day when I douse my body with Nilodor by accident and ruin a perfectly good trip to the beach. When I’m taken to the emergency department suffering from third-degree sunburn, the doctors and nurses will refuse to treat me because of my overpowering Christmas/urinal cake stench. I’ll have to tend to my wounds myself, ostracised and excluded from society like a common leper. For this reason, I can’t recommend Nilodor, despite the fact it does successfully neutralise reeks and smells.