a case for early events

ALL EMILY NAISMITH WANTS IS AN EVENT THAT STARTS AT A REASONABLE HOUR.

Someone once said “nothing good ever happens after midnight”, but I’m going to call bullshit on that and revise it to 9pm (potentially even 8pm in winter). At exactly that time, my body begins shutting down for the night like an overloaded browser with 100 tabs open. If I’m at a dinner, I start to tune out of conversations, focusing instead on stuffing my face with roast potatoes to prevent my snoozy head from falling onto someone’s shoulder. If I’m at a party, I try to dance it off (even though my limbs feel like marble table legs), until I realise I’m solo-swaying in an empty room. If I’m at a gig, I rest my eyes… just for a bit… until BAM! The encore is over and I’m being swept towards the door by a mass of bodies and bags.

It is actually absurd how late some events begin, let alone end! Comedy festival shows that start half an hour before midnight? Good gag, guys! I’ll be tucked up soundly in bed. Musical headliners who are scheduled to kick off at 2am? I’ll be attempting at least four hours of sleep and setting my alarm for 1.30am before zipping into the city to see you, thanks. Casual basketball games at 9.45pm? What planet are you ON?! By the time I stop sweating and my adrenaline has subsided I’ll need to get up for work. Not cool.

I swear to god, I enjoy going out. Events make me happy. I like to have fun! But can all fun things please be wrapped up before my bedtime? What’s wrong with organising a lunch instead of a dinner? Or a gig that starts at 2pm and finishes by teatime? Or a party that rolls from 11am into afternoon kick-ons (then wraps up neatly so we can all trot off home in time to watch a little TV before bed)? Is that too much to ask?

You could still do all the things you normally would at these events. Drinking, dressing up, dancing – it’s all still on the table while the sun’s out. Make new best friends in bathrooms! Lose your phone! Find your phone! Smash your phone! Believe it or not, that’s possible during the day – in fact, it’s even better, because you can easily get public transport home afterwards, and your post-party food options aren’t limited to kebabs. (Not that I have an issue with kebabs – I’m just also interested in post-party yum cha.)

OK, it might feel a little awkward at first: losing your mind to your favourite DJ, then walking out into broad daylight and catching a train home surrounded by elderly people making use of the free public transport on weekends. Cutting sick to Rihanna while the café next door churns out lattés. But I promise, it’ll be worth it for the smug feeling of getting a full night’s sleep, plus the added perk of not feeling as bad the next morning. Total game-changer.

Seriously, there are so many benefits of doing stuff while the sun’s up. Think about it: you can walk around after the event’s done and dusted without worrying someone’s going to pop out of the darkness and steal your phone. Your babysitter doesn’t have to hang around all night and – most importantly – you actually have the energy to go out, thus reducing the likelihood of last-minute flaking.

So please, next time you’re organising a party/gig/show/meal/ sporting fixture (come to think of it, literally any event), please consider making it a daytime do. The fact is, night-time is for being horizontal in bed. Not dreaming about being horizontal in bed while actually being tired, cranky, far away from your pillow and very, very vertical.