how to go to a party by yourself

ROCKING UP TO A SHINDIG ON YOUR LONESOME NEEDN’T BE A SCARY THING, WRITES DEIRDRE FIDGE.

Well, well, well – if it isn’t the harsh, unavoidable hand of Father Time plopping us into yet another party season. That time of year when invites flood inboxes, decorations adorn shopfronts and Mariah Carey reminds us that all she wants for Christmas is me. Or you.

You might get invited to an event where the only person you know is the host. Or maybe plus-ones aren’t invited. Or maybe you just feel like meeting new people even though you hate the outside world. Before you start hyperventilating into a bag, consider my guide to attending a party solo (it’s compiled by a deeply awkward person, so you know it’s legit). Grab your party hat – let’s do this.

THE PRE-PARTY If you have an anxious brain, it will convince you to stay home. Do your best to ignore it. Avoidance breeds avoidance – commit to attending! Hot tip: wear something you feel confident and comfortable in. Now’s not the time to wear the jumpsuit with the tricky zipper that gives you a full-body wedgie.

THE ARRIVAL There are pros and cons to rocking up early or late. Arriving on time means there’ll be fewer people, so more chance of being able to chat to the person you know. Late means there will be more of a crowd, but they’ll be in Full Party Mode so you can make a quiet entrance without feeling like a cowboy entering a saloon who has caused the piano player to stop and the crowd to gasp and stare. Just kidding; that will never happen, unless you are in fact a cowboy with a haunted past. Key tip? Turn up when you think it will work best for you.

TIME TO MINGLE Unless you’re attending a party where the theme is ‘bullying’ for some reason, more people than not are going to be friendly. For some people, friendly is a glassy-eyed half-smile from across the room and for others it means striding up and introducing themselves. People are inherently good. If you feel uncomfortable or anxious, here’s a reminder that helps me: there is almost certainly someone else feeling exactly the same.

There are two key strategies for socialising with strangers:

1) Be yourself. Sounds obvious and annoyingly wholesome, but it’s true. Do you like someone’s hair? Tell them! Are you reminded of an interesting fact when making small talk? Say it! Did someone bring their dog? Pat them! (The dog.) As long as you aren’t hurting anyone’s feelings, chit chat is bearable when you remember most people are just saying random thoughts that pop into their heads. 2) Be somebody else. This seems contradictory to the above point but it’s not; it’s about taking this opportunity of knowing nobody to be completely bonkers (within reason). Think about it: you may never see any of these people again! Bust out a weird joke or do an impression. John Mulaney didn’t make it as a comic until he decided to wear tailored suits and speak like an old-timey entertainer, so why not treat yourself to some identity escapism? It’s called the Silly Season for a reason, after all.

CUT LOOSE ON THE DANCEFLOOR No matter the age of attendees or the social circle at a party, a dancefloor will be created at some point because it is in our nature to wiggle our meat prisons around to music. Some tips: 1) Sick of talking? Head to the dancefloor! Ideally the music is so loud nobody will speak at all aside from one very determined individual who everyone is happily ignoring while they dance (avoid being this person). 2) Dance like nobody's watching. Even if people are. Who cares? If you’re like me, a person whose drama teacher told them they have “bricks for feet” during school musical auditions, this is actually a gift. People dancing without caring what they look like is contagious and encourages others to join in. 3) If you’re feeling brave, start the dancefloor. I’ve done this by announcing, “Did you know I can do the worm?” and slamming my body onto the floor. I cannot do the worm. (Bruising aside, I think making one person laugh slightly was worth it.) 4) If there’s a lull in the playlist, put on any song of your choice, with one caveat: do not try to be cool. Put on a song that you want to dance to or that the host will appreciate. Ideally, something instantly recognisable, like Shania Twain’s “Man! I Feel Like a Woman”. Let’s go girls.

THE DEPARTURE Ideally, we all thank the host and say goodbye to any new pals, basking in the glow of a successful evening. Alternatively? The old Irish goodbye. If somehow everything goes completely pear-shaped, disappear in a puff of smoke and head to bed. You did it!