FEED­ING AD­DIC­TION

YOU MIGHT WAKE UP JUST TO SMELL THE COF­FEE, BUT BE PRE­PARED FOR WHERE YOU GET THE NEXT HIT

Fraser Coast Chronicle - - WEEKEND - ON A LIGHTER NOTE WORDS: GREG BRAY Greg Bray blogs at greg­bray­writer.word­press.com. Find him on Face­book: Greg Bray – Writer

Folks, we Aus­tralians are a fairly easy-go­ing bunch. We are not fans of rev­o­lu­tions, coups or up­ris­ings. But if the ships car­ry­ing cof­fee fail to ar­rive at our docks, within 24 hours our cities will burn to the ground as an­gry mobs roam the streets look­ing for a caf­feine fix.

I’ll admit, start­ing my day with­out cof­fee would be a bit tricky.

Af­ter years of shift-work I’ve be­come slightly de­pen­dent on it. De­pen­dent in the same way as a fish is re­liant on sea­wa­ter to stay alive. Ac­tu­ally, ad­dicted, would prob­a­bly be closer to the mark.

Still, I’ve limited my­self to four cups of in­stant cof­fee each day. The purists among you are prob­a­bly shud­der­ing at the thought.

Peo­ple, I am not a com­pli­cated man and I plan to keep it that way, be­cause life is much less stress­ful when you have fairly low ex­pec­ta­tions.

Hav­ing said that, even I strug­gled to fin­ish a full cup of pow­dered cof­fee my old workplace used to pro­vide for free. My work­mates la­belled it Global Sludge.

But the worst cof­fee I’ve ever choked down was in the home of cof­fee, Italy.

I fronted at a cafe and or­dered an Amer­i­cano; the only cof­fee on a long list that ac­tu­ally had milk in it. The barista winced, poured some steam­ing tar into a plas­tic thim­ble then added the milk with an eye­drop­per.

It was hor­ren­dous, but I’ve paid less for a pair of jeans, so I was go­ing to fin­ish that cof­fee come hell or high wa­ter.

Hav­ing downed three times my daily fix in one tiny cup, sev­eral hours later my eyes were still spin­ning in my head and the air about me was filled with the sound of an­gry bees.

I stormed over every inch of the Colos­seum at a pace that would have im­pressed Usain Bolt.

Much later, when the ef­fects fi­nally wore off, it oc­curred to me why Eu­rope, and America, have a long his­tory of ri­ot­ing, coups and war­fare.

Too much cof­fee is ob­vi­ously worse than hav­ing too lit­tle.

But hope­fully we’ll never find out – just keep those ships com­ing boys!

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