COMMUNICATING BETTER WITH TEENAGE BOYS:
Go hi-tech with teens, parents told
TEXTING, email and social media can be useful tools for parents struggling to communicate with monosyllabic teenage boys, according to a parenting expert who spoke to mums and dads at Simonds Stadium last night.
Dr Ian Lillico, a former secondary principal, father of three and international education consultant, said parents should “tap into their sons’ virtual world” using technology as a weapon in the battle to get teens to open up.
“We’re so often critical of technology but things like texting and email can be a huge advantage,” Dr Lillico said.
“They might not like talking about something face to face — they might even grunt at you — but when you send a message they’ll often write back and open up a little.
“One of the key things is to never use texting or email for negative messages, because if you do they will use their phones as weapons as well and it can shut down that really useful line of communication.”
Patience was a virtue that parents of adolescent boys needed to cultivate.
“Parents need to learn to muscle in, be present and not be put off by their difficulty communicating,” he said.
“Just letting them know you’re always there and that you’re not going to yell and bite their head off whenever they do something wrong is so important.
“It can be so easy to react angrily sometimes but parents need to be aware that doing that might mean they won’t come to you next time some- thing happens, because they’re too worried.”
He advised parents to use “specific praise” to boost their sons’ self-esteem, a tool he said was essential in building resilience and self-esteem.
“Women are very complementary and praise each other all the time and, as a result, tend to have much higher self esteem,” Dr Lillico said.
“Boys aren’t as good at that and praise can make them feel embarrassed, so unless it is pointed and specific it will usually go over their head.”
Dr Lillico said that, ultimately, parenting teenage boys was something of a waiting game.
“Some parents feel despair thinking they have lost their son during the teenage years,” he said.
“They need to remember that the transition from child to adult is just as hard on boys as it is on girls.
“There is a lot of awkwardness about what is happening to their bodies and they can feel isolated. If parents can muscle in, talk to them, maybe play the occasional computer game with them, they can stay connected and ride the awkward years out.”