WOW, HOW GOOD IS THIS!

Over the first five weeks, I have looked up at the crowd after a win and thought ...

WE’RE five rounds into the 2017 season and the Cats remain undefeated, in second spot on the ladder.

Personally, I’m just rapt to have played every game so far. We are winning games and I’ve been able to contribute in a way I’ve always known I could, largely because I feel as good as I have since tearing my first ACL in 2011.

So despite sitting out this week, I want to fill you in on what it means to me to be in this position — mentally.

After eight years of being at Geelong, only a few weeks ago I played my first Easter Monday clash. Our win over Freo was the first time I’d lined up in round one for six years. There are so many challenges I have had to overcome, but the happiness I feel on the back of these small milestones certainly proves what I’ve always thought — it is all worth it.

When you tear your ACL, you doubt yourself. You question whether you will make it back and whether you will ever be able to perform. These are normal thoughts, but it’s so important to have strong, positive people around you to break through that doubt. You must also have a significant amount of self belief in what you are doing and know that it will all pay off.

Through my four ACLs, all these questions circled both internally and externally, for years and years. People say you won’t make it back. They say you can’t ever be what you once were. And you begin to question yourself.

But I always knew I could make it back. More than that, I knew I could perform. Self belief is very underrated and is crucial in your ability to bounce back from adversity. You need to back yourself and trust the work you have put in. If you don’t — who will?

For me, I need to manage my body every single week — in ways different to most. I still get tendon soreness in my left knee, which puts extra stress on other muscles as I compensate at times when the tendon gets sore. It’s something which I and our medical team are aware of and have put measures in place to navigate such issues.

Last year, I would jump, land and come down sore probably two to three times each game. This year it’s only happened a couple of times in the first month of footy. It’s a challenge that could last my whole career, but with the improvement we’ve had over the last 24 months, I’m hopeful it will go away. There’s still work to be done and I still require considerable work in my preparation to train or play.

That’s what Scotty meant when he said I had shown “mild signs” of needing a break, leading to the decision to have this Sunday off. I realise the importance of being proactive and this week just seemed right — in conjunction with the medical team and coaching staff — to have a week off. I’ve played all five games and some soreness was starting to accumulate, so it was probably the right time to rest to ensure I get a full season’s worth in this year. It works in perfectly, with another five games to come before our mid-season bye in Round 12.

Last year I had some glaring deficiencies like repeat efforts, agility and tackling in close. I kicked 33 goals and played in 14 wins out of 17 games but I wasn’t satisfied with my season on a personal level. The frustration was that I didn’t’ think I was consistent enough plus I didn’t have as bigger influence on games as I wanted to. I still have very high expectations, even after four knee reconstructions. However, with what my body has been through, I need to give it the best chance to cope and understand that things are going to take time.

I want to perform better than I did, and I know I can. For anyone who comes off one ACL, traditionally it is said that it takes until your second year back to feel and move near your best. I have had four, and so I hope that it wont take me four years to get back to my best. Already, in my sec-

ond year back, I feel like there is a big difference. Five weeks into the season, I’m loving my footy as much as I ever have in my career. To be able to play week after week is something I’ll never take for granted and to be winning is even better.

But for my body to feel like it does this year, it reiterates what I’ve always believed — that the hard work will pay off. I still must be smart and manage myself throughout the year, but for the past six years, including last year, even though I was playing, it was a battle. I’d struggle to put together weeks of training and games without getting really sore. To know what you can do and what you can achieve but have your body let you down for so long is extremely frustrating.

I’m aware that you can’t win every week and you can’t be up all the time, but I have experienced enough lows to know that I must cherish the highs. And so over the first five weeks, I have looked up at the crowd after a win and thought “wow how good is this!” I have wanted this so badly for so long, to be able to play, contribute at the level I can plus win — it just feels incredible.

For years and years, I watched from the sidelines thinking could I make a difference? Where could I be as a footballer right now? I wished I was out there. It was and still is so tough to know your abilities but not be able to show them. When people asked me, will you comeback half as good a player, do you think you still have it and can you help the team? I used to pause and hesitate as I answered as I wanted to say what I believed I could produce. But you can’t. You can’t say that you could do things if you can’t physically back it up, and this happened for more than four years for me. Now I feel like I can be honest with oth- ers and myself as I am now able to perform to a level that I was always consciously aware.

I missed most of pre season with a lingering groin issue that I had to clean up but thanks to hard work and our brilliant medical team, we put a plan in place that has got me really strong and powerful in the areas that had become deficient.

So things are going well, but I still have ambitions to be much better than my first month of footy. I believe I will get fitter and more experienced and therefore want to show people that you can overcome adversity and become a better player than you were previously.

The burning ambition of making it to a grand final and winning one is still at the forefront of my mind and through the correct process, it can happen. We aren’t playing our best footy but we are winning, and that is what you have to do this time of year. That chance to win a premiership drove me every single day in rehab. I thought about it everyday and it still burns so much and so to win a premiership from what I have overcome, it would be the pinnacle for me. I would feel like I have accomplished everything that I was after while toiling away for four years in rehab.

To all the fans out there who support me, who message me and have helped me get back to this position, I want to thank you. I’m now able to show you why you have kept the faith in me.

The same thanks goes to my footy club, my teammates and our great medical team. My case isn’t close to being normal and yet they have got it right when it comes to making important decisions for my career, and I feel like I’m repaying them also.

I feel like the self belief that I have harboured mentally can finally be backed up physically as I am now able to train and play to the level that I have waited six years to achieve. Deep down, I have known that I could do this but I hadn’t been able to show it and that was extremely draining. It has been a constant mental battle for me but now I feel like I can finally show people what I can really do.