Red hot talent up for Mr Finals
WHEN it comes to selecting players for the finals, clubs can agonise over match-ups, form or potential.
Taking inspiration from Roger Hargreaves, I’ve come up with a team I’m calling “Mr Finals”.
Mr Busy: Robbie Gray
Move him forward he’ll kick goals, put him in the middle and he’ll win the ball. He’s so important for Port Adelaide. Put him at the feet of Mr Tall, Paddy Ryder, and watch the magic happen.
Mr Tickle: Alex Rance
Has arms that’ll reach around any opponent. He’ll put others out of a contest but somehow manipulated his fist to nudge the ball away.
Mr Messy: Dyson Heppell
You’d think after this long in the competition he’d do something about his ridiculous hairdo. If the Bombers claim the Cup, he’ll look back in 20 years and wonder what on earth he was thinking with the mangy crop. Chop it off and he might become Mr Neat.
Mr Chatterbox: Tom Papley
He loves a conversation and it annoys other players, the perfect tactic to frustrate his opponent — many have been reported for giving him a physical clip back.
Mr Perfect: Patrick Dangerfield
His kicking is sublime, handballing precision, leadership immense, opposition respect him, teammates worship him, not a hair out of place, produced a son this year.
Mr Noisy: Sam Mitchell
Is always directing traffic on the field. It’s his last finals campaign as a player and he’ll be sure to make his voice heard at the Adelaide Oval.
Mr Jelly: Shane Mumford
Smothers his opponents with his big body and is difficult to remove, plus he used to be a bit podgy.
Mr Marvellous: Eddie Betts
A joy to watch, creates brilliance, a commentator’s dream.
Mr Grumpy: Steve Johnson
Could be, if he doesn’t get picked to play for the Giants. His form doesn’t suggest he should be included, his career is finished this year anyway, it’ll be a rough way to farewell the game.
Mr Bump: Joel Selwood
The bandages around the head give this one away a bit.
Mr Strong: Dustin Martin
The fend-off king, powerful bursts of speed, debatable whether he’s holding the rest of his Tiger teammates together with the outstanding year he’s had so far. And his full pocket don’t seem to weaken his legs at all.
Mr Impossible: Lance Franklin
What has this man got in his bag of tricks for us these finals? He can kick the ball from the pocket through for a goal after galloping at full pace down the wing leaving his opponents in his wake. September is his time. The stage is set for his show.
Mr Brave: Tom Lonergan
Only has one kidney and has played this game to a level of bravery that should be admired to years to come.
Mr Happy: Drew Petrie
He’s grinning because he took a risk and gets to play in more finals, considering where his old mob, the Kangaroos, finished, he has every right to have a smile on his dial.
Mr Adventure: Brett Deledio
He left the Tigers and looked for a gigantic new adventure, he’s hardly played so he’s fresh and fit, and ready to climb a mountain.
Mr Daydream: Jobe Watson
After having the main medallion taken off him this is one last chance to win the ultimate team prize.
Mr Small: Charlie Cameron
Might be tiny, but will have a big say in getting under the guard of his opponents.
Mr Nobody: Nick Smith
Played 189 games and never polled a Brownlow vote, umpires don’t know him, he has a boring name, yet he is vital to the Swans’ backline.
Mr Dizzy: Rory Sloane
He’s been knocked out, refused to leave the field, now he’s had his appendix out and he’ll step straight from the anaesthetist bed to the ground.
Mr Mean: Brendon Goddard
Always has a snarly look on his face, always pointing his finger at others, but he’s played in grand finals before, so he knows what it takes.
Mr Mischief: Toby Greene
Whether it’s kicking people in the face, using his forearm on his opponent’s head or getting into a scuffle at a pub, this bloke is mischievous.
Mr Skinny: Rory Lobb
Tall and thin, and just might be the x-factor up forward for the Giants. Blokes who can ruck and kick goals in September are worth their weight in gold.
Mr Muddle: Trent Cotchin
After winning the toss in the Tigers’ most recent final, he decided to kick against the wind at the Adelaide Oval. Hopefully he doesn’t make the same mistake again.
COACH: Mr Clever: John Longmire
Don’t underestimate this sly fox, turned his team around after losing the first six games. So close last year and this year will be planning to go one better.
UMPIRES: Mr Bounce: Matt Stevic
Four grand finals so far, the best going around.
Mr Nosey: Ray Chamberlain
Sticking is schnozz into where it’s not needed.
But after all that, I can’t wait to see who will be crowned Mr Finals.
Let the games begin.