Not growling, waving
ESSENDON’S Brendon Goddard says he doesn’t care what people think about him, in light of the flak thrown his way this week for waving his arms about the place and yelling a bit too much at his teammates on Wednesday as Collingwood kept kicking goals over their heads (15 times to seven).
This is great news because it means this week we can offer Brendon some great life advice safe in the knowledge that he won’t read or care about it.
And all this yelling and armwaving makes us wonder whether Brendon may have missed his true calling in life or may still be filthy after not being drafted to Carlton in 2002 when the Blues lost their picks because of salary cap cheating and he ended up at the Saints.
Good news for Brendon is that there are other pursuits ready made for arm-waving-shouty types just like him including: PARENTING: One of the best triggers for shouting and waving your arms about the place, parenting is similar in many ways to playing in the backline for Essendon when you can’t find an opponent while the opposition is kicking goals over your head. This is similar to having pureed pumpkin sail over your head or into your head or into your freshly painted crisp white walls at home which, as I have already said, can make you start shouting and waving your arms a lot. Brendon already has a junior so stay-at-home dad could work well when he’s not playing golf. AIRCRAFT GROUNDCREW MEMBER: A great career for people who like waving their arms about, this very important role also offers perks such as holding a table-tennis bat while waving your arms, being paid for the privilege and working outdoors (like footy). Other positives:
A) The roar of jet engines will generally drown out anything you may say that could be used against you on the same day or the next day in social media or on the back page of a newspaper and:
B) In Brendon’s case the locality of Tullamarine and Essendon airports to the Bombers’ training base (at Tullamarine, near Essendon) means he wouldn’t get lost on the way to work and feel the need to start waving his arms a lot and shouting at other drivers if and when his GPS stops working in the car. HEATH SHAW’S GWS STUNT DOUBLE:
Same game. Same body movements. Same freckled complexion. Same level of shoutiness at other players. Same part of the ground.
Smaller crowds — smaller critical mass.
Crap jumper but much warmer median winter temperature. Better likelihood to play finals too. Job done. Sign him up.