Life’s a beach for my dad, the hero

Don’t you worry, it’s gonna be all right. ‘Cause I’m always ready, I won’t let you out of my sight. — Some of the words to the Baywatch theme song

DAD’S had so many jobs it’s hard to keep track of them all. Let me think. He’s been a machine operator at an electrical cable manufacturer, shed builder, car detailer, farm hand, supermarket shelf stacker … he’s even done a stint as a recycling garbo.

And that was all before he made his way into newspapers, where he’s been whiling away the better part of the past two decades.

But there’s one job he’s always wanted, one he’s dreamt of for many years and still dreams about to this day — beach lifeguard.

Fantasy or not, for him it’s the job that got away, and whenever Bondi Rescue comes on the telly he lets us know about it. And then there’s his inexplicable love of Baywatch, which he assures Mum is because of the life-guarding storylines rather than the beach babes running in slow motion. Like I said, pure fantasy. So, yet again, I’ve had to come to the old man’s rescue. We’ve been spending a lot of time at the beach this summer — and when me and my bro head down the beach we love to run amok, meaning Dad has to watch us like a hawk. There’s no chance for him to have a refreshing dip or kick back on his beach towel and soak up the rays.

He’s always ‘on duty’ telling us as sternly as he can to stick together and keep between the flags, making sure we’re slathered head to toe in suncream all the while.

He acts like he doesn’t like it, but I can tell he relishes every minute. It’s like

Baywatch fantasy camp. All he’s missing is a pair of red shorts, a buff body and one of those rescue buoys The Hoff used to get about with.

It’s not the only work experience I’ve given the old boy over the years. I’ve also employed him as a chef, taxi driver, nurse, cleaner and life coach, to name but a few.

But while he’s not the best candidate for most of those jobs, I know when it comes to beach safety I’m in pretty good hands.