Explaining Aussie rules a challenge

IN grand final week, we celebrate our much-loved game of Australian rules football.

Club loyalties aside, the fact we have a unique sport, developed over centuries – with origins in an Indigenous game and even now still evolving – is something to be treasured.

When essentially born into the game, as Victorians certainly are, Aussie rules is second nature. Many of our tribe become aficionados, able to dissect every element of the game, recite AFL players’ numbers and have amazing statistics hardwired into deep neurological recesses. Such people are essential in your team at trivia nights (remember them?).

Whether or not we actually play or support a team – or even dislike the game – it’s not an overstatement to claim that people in our neck of the woods at least know footy’s fundamentals. However, when called upon to explain the game while a match is actually in play to someone who knows absolutely nothing about the rules, language, nuances, etc, one is suddenly somewhat challenged.

But that was my lot one Saturday early season 2013, when the then newly appointed US consul-general, Mary Burce Warlick, was invited to a Cats home game. As mayor at the time, it was my privilege to greet and host consul-general Warlick and her son. Both lovely people but they of course knew nothing – that is, not one iota, not a skerrick – about our game.

And so, with Mary on one side and her son on the other, I found myself explaining virtually every single act of play and why it is so! As an ex-junior umpire, I felt added pressure to get it right, especially when the crowd vehemently expressed their disagreement with an umpire’s decision. Mary and her son were full of perfectly reasonable questions. Here’s a small sample.

Me: “When the ball’s kicked and a player catches it on the full, it’s called a mark.”

Mary: “Why is it called ‘a mark’?”

Not having immediate access to Google to check the full history of our game’s nomenclature, I probably said something like:

Me: “I’ll come back to you on that!”

Mary: “But he has taken ‘a mark’ and now a player is standing ‘on the mark’. How does that work?”

Great question, to which I may have rather unintelligently replied something like:

Me: “That’s just the way it is. I dunno – maybe the game’s inventors were efficient with their words and didn’t want to confuse the players with a wider vocabulary!”

Later:

Mary: “He was going for the goal (that had been previously explained) but missed, so why is it called ‘a behind’ rather than, say, ‘an alongside’?”

Now, if I had previously done my research, I could have responded with a comprehensive explanation of behinds and points, along the lines of …

“Because from the point of view of the goal umpire, the ball will appear to pass behind a goalpost. One point is then scored, and a point is also scored if it goes through the goal but is touched or if the ball hits one of the goalposts or is taken through by an opposing player.”

But I didn’t! If I’d been smarter, I could have even quipped …

“A behind is sort of a consolation prize. They were aiming for the goal but missed, so they’re given one point for effort. It’s like an ‘Encouragement

Award’ but one which no one is ever particularly happy to receive!”

When the crowd all screamed “BALL!!!”, I probably wimped out on trying to explain the intricacies and dark science of that particular rule and said something like …

“The scones here at halftime are really very good!”

As the game progressed, and by about halfway through the third quarter, their questions gradually diminished as they came to understand the game somewhat. Their initial complete puzzlement turned into exclamations of amazement at the athleticism and mercurial skills being displayed.

At the end of that day, the winner was the game itself – with hopefully two new international Aussie rules converts recruited – as it will be with this Saturday’s much anticipated grand final. It should be a cracker!

HOWEVER, WHEN CALLED UPON TO EXPLAIN THE GAME WHILE A MATCH IS ACTUALLY IN PLAY TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT THE RULES, LANGUAGE, NUANCES, ETC, ONE IS SUDDENLY SOMEWHAT CHALLENGED.