A funny sort of freedom

CONGRATULATIONS to NSW for giving our hermit state a nudge in the right direction to start opening up to the world.

We may be “slow and steady” here in Victoria but, hey, we’ve all seen what “short and sharp” looks like so this has to be an improvement on what we’ve endured, right?

Even so, despite yesterday’s socalled “Freedom Day” celebrations, fact is Melbourne people are still banned from travelling to regional Victoria so for those families who remain separated, the celebrations are not only premature but farcical.

But perhaps not so farcical as the $54m in grants offered to Melbourne businesses, including gyms, hairdressers and beauty salons, to set up business outdoors.

Now I don’t know anyone who would get excited about getting their mo, back, chest, legs or anything else for that matter waxed in the middle of Bourke St, let alone undergo some other beauty procedure for which one does not need an audience.

Of course, screens could be erected for privacy and perhaps a cover overhead to shelter from the rain. But hang on, four sides and a roof! Doesn’t that equate to a room?

Sounds like another breach of something to me!

As for the grants themselves, well, first there’s the application to fill out and submit and, judging by the mind-boggling length of time it takes government, local or state, to process anything, by the time they get around to making a decision the whole idea will have been dropped.

Reason being there’ll have been another 20 rule changes in the interim rendering the entire scheme pointless.

As for the money. Well, my guess is, most of it will remain precisely where it was intended, in government coffers.

Cynical?

Me?

Nuh, I just don’t trust any of them.

Now, during the past 18 months Victorians have been banned from all manner of things, from watching sunsets to not standing in pubs, plus the nonsensical ban on fishing alone in the middle of the bay.

And who can forget the ban on lowering face masks to drink alcohol even though cigarette smoking, drinking coffee and, dare I say, the occasional ingesting of illegal substances would have been ignored.

But no, heaven forbid, beware of the wayward cocktail.

Banned from golf because even being in the great outdoors was “risky”.

And when they finally did allow golfing to resume, well, they locked up the dunnies.

You try playing 18 holes without a pit-stop when you’re over 70.

And there was all that crazy “don’t touch the football”, “Covid lives on pizza boxes” and “don’t talk to your neighbours” even though you’d been good mates for the best part of 40 years nonsense.

Talk about how to put a dampener on a perfectly good friendship.

Instead, feel free to become a complete knob, not to mention unAustralian, by dobbing in anyone you see not abiding by “the rules”.

While the good news is that some freedom is on the way, there is still a long way to go and many challenges lie ahead, particularly in regard to vaccine passports.