Same-sex divorce up

Counsellor: Marriage problems universal

TURNS out marriage is not all it is cracked up to be, with the number of same-sex couples seeking divorces increasing by 867 per cent cent in the past five years since gay nuptials were legalised.

Only 40 divorces were granted the 12 months from 2017 when gay marriage was written into law – but that has ballooned quickly to 387 so far in the 2021-22 financial year.

Marriage counsellor Carolyn Madden was not surprised by the figures, saying the issues same-sex couples face were the same as those heterosexuals must confront: communication breakdowns, unmet expectations, lack of passion and temptations such as adultery.

“I find that most of the time the basis of any relationship failing is lack of communication,” Ms Madden said.

“Once they’ve been together for a period of time, they don’t try as hard. There was a big hype about same-sex marriage and celebration . . . and I wonder once they settled down to everyday life, particularly with Covid, if the stresses had impacted on them.”

The sharp increase in divorces does not reflect the same-sex divorce rate, which for straight couples currently stands at 1.9 divorces per 1000 people, according to Australian Bureau of Statistics figures.

Most marriages that end in divorce do so after the couples have been together 12.1 years on average. In 2020, most females who divorce marry at 27 and officially end their union by 42. Males who end up with a failed marriage have their wedding at 29 and divorce by the time they are 45.

The divorce rate has remained stable in recent years but any across the board increase due to Covid will be seen in 2021 figures, which are yet to be released. This is because divorces are normally granted only after a period of 12 months or more of separation.

Ms Madden also said Covid was a blessing for some people, with one client who contacted her before Covid for coaching about how to go about divorcing her husband changed her mind.

“She said Covid had forced them into a scenario where they had to talk, she had to say how she was feeling, it was quite a shock for him,” she said.

Marriage counsellor and psychologist Sian Khuman said Covid intensified pressure on relationships and now the demand for help was outstripping numbers of counsellors.

“I know a lot of therapists are very booked, a lot of psychology practices have closed their books, because they don’t have any more spaces,” Ms Khuman said.