Own your everyday superpowers

Tapping into your unique superpowers can lift you up as well as others.

When we think of superpowers, we think of our strengths but strong can mean many different things. It can mean the lifting-burning-buildings kind of strength we see in the superhero movies. It can also mean the courage to stand up to bullies or say no to something because you’re overloaded. It can mean navigating the grief of losing a loved one and supporting your kids throughout. It can mean the determination and grit to finish a race, strive for a promotion or stand your ground on something you believe is morally right. It can be someone who speaks out about their passion when they’re speaking against the majority. It can be when we show our vulnerability or persist in the face of setbacks. It can also be the things we’re good at, the experience and skills that give us strengths that help us in life. Because we’re good at something, we tend to think everyone else must be good at it too – so we don’t value it, we don’t think it’s anything special. It’s why we struggle to answer the question ‘What are your strengths?’.

If it’s effortless and easy (as strengths generally are), we don’t think it’s worthy of a mention.

We’re also very good at focusing on our weaknesses; it’s why our strengths don’t come to mind so easily – we don’t think about them, we’re not aware of them and then we feel guilty/immodest for having them.

If I ask you to name three strengths, you might take a while, you’ll struggle to come up with them, you’ll not be sure they are actual strengths and unless someone else has told you it’s true, you’ll doubt your answers or diminish them in some way and it’ll feel uncomfortable talking about them. However, if I ask you to come up with three weaknesses, the floodgates will likely open.

We are predisposed to focus on the things we’re not good at rather than the things we are.

Our brains are predisposed to think more negatively. It’s how we’ve evolved and used to keep us safe. If we’re constantly scanning the horizon for the worst that can happen, we are able to react and prepare for that, which helped us survive back in the days of sabretooth tigers. However, in our modern life, this translates to noticing all the things we don’t like about ourselves and what’s not gone well for us at work.

If I ask you to think of one negative thing that’s happened this week, it’ll

“We have so many traits and skills that make us amazing, but we also have a tendency to focus more on the things we lack and the things we’ve not done yet. Our quest to be Superwoman and meet the demands of our busy lives takes us away from this and is where the Superwoman complex begins.”

probably come quite easy. Now, if I ask you the same question about something positive, it’s harder to recall; even if the positives outweigh the negatives for you this week, it’s the negatives we remember and reflect on.

Psychologist Dr Barbara Fredrickson did some work on positivity ratios and found to offset this bias that exists in the brain, we need a ratio of three to one – that’s three positive thoughts, emotions or experiences to every one negative.

There’s a lot of work to be done in this space, as our negativity bias is like a well-worn walking track; we use it often.

Research has proven that focusing on our strengths makes us more successful, but first we have to know what they are. Global performance management company Gallup has surveyed more than 17 million people worldwide and has found if we focus on our strengths, we’ll be six times more likely to be engaged at work, eight per cent more productive and three times more likely to have an excellent quality of life.

When I was researching for my book The Super Woman Survival Guide, I asked for your thoughts on what ‘Superwoman’ means, what we admire in others and what we consider our superpowers and strengths to be.

The most common words women used to describe Superwoman were courageous, strong and composed.

Confident, capable and resilient also featured highly in the responses. Other notable words included honest, compassionate, powerful and determined.

It seems intuitive that strong and courageous would feature at the top, but composed was a pleasant surprise. Especially in a world where so many of us feel overwhelmed, busy and unable to think straight.

One of the questions that most intrigued me was, ‘What do you admire most in others?’ The top answer was kindness, followed by calmness and confidence.

Kindness is a skill that has been underrated for too long but we’re now starting to understand its strength and value. It’s something Jacinda Ardern has talked a lot about and can be a superpower.

I’ve learned over the years kindness is a strength – one that’s critical to our success in business and life. You can be kind and still be strong.

Practising kindness also helps train the mind to be more positive and see more good in the world. There’s plenty of it out there, it just doesn’t seem like it, because while the kind acts outnumber the bad, they don’t make as many headlines or sell as many newspapers.

It is not about being lenient or not holding people to account. It’s about being reasonable, fair, open and trusting, supporting others, empathising, recognising them when they’ve done well and showing you care.

Kindness increases our sense of fulfilment and joy, it helps us build resilience, and it is also a source of strength, as well as a skill that aids our success

– a superpower.

What skills do we rate in ourselves as superpowers?

Empathy, people skills. The other answers that featured highly were optimism and love. I was both surprised and delighted to get this feedback. Empathy and people skills are so often overlooked yet so critical to our success as we navigate life. When we talk about people skills, we’re of course talking about emotional intelligence (EQ); part of this is also empathy.

How many of us are aware these skills exist in us, and how many of us see them as a superpower? I know I overlooked them for many years, yet they’re something that makes us powerful, a strength we should leverage more.

It makes sense: if we’re strong in empathy, we are more likely to get along with our fellow humans, and if we have control over emotions, such as anger, our lives will be more peaceful.

I’d add one more superpower to this list for me personally, which links to calm and composure. Mindfulness or meditation is the one thing I’ve practised every day since I learned the skill a decade ago, because it helps me feel like Superwoman.

Our mental attitude is so important, as is having a clear mind in order to stay calm and stay sane amidst chaos. Superwoman remains calm when she’s saving the world, flying towards burning buildings or dismantling bombs that have three seconds left before detonation – it’s why we admire composure.

I came across meditation and mindfulness after a trip to Asia and my first encounter with Buddhists. They looked so calm and peaceful, and I wanted to know why.

I went along to a weekly meditation class and downloaded an app to start doing some at home and found it helped.

The more I practised, the more I started to enjoy the calm, peaceful feeling I got. It helped me start the day on the right foot and made me feel more centred and calm.

Habits

Beyond using our superpowers, there are the habits that help sustain them.

I never used to be a morning person, but my morning routine has become critical to my self-care and performance. Getting up early means I feel less rushed and more organised.

It’s amazing what we can do when our brain is fresh and how much time we can have before the rest of the house wakes up or we have to leave for work.

Our habits are key when putting our superpowers into practice and giving us the best chance of success.

I’ve told you about my superpowers; now what about yours?