GAIA LOVELL AND CANDY BERGER
OWNERS OF LOX IN A BOX, SYDNEY
The death of their infant daughter, River, taught this couple the power of perspective and the importance of asking for help.
This year has been our most transformative year to date – as individuals, as a couple, in business and as mothers. It’s a year we expected to be a big year – but not in this way. What this year has shown us is the power of our community, from our family and friends around the world, to people we have never met who have been touched by River’s legacy.
We’ve been supported and held so beautifully by everyone around us, from food parcels delivered to our home, to kind messages filled with love and lots of support at Lox in a Box. This support meant that we were able to be completely present and give all of our love and attention to our daughter who spent most of her short life in and out of ICU.
Receiving help, love and support has been very humbling. As two fiercely independent women who have forged their own lives and careers it was a big change for us. We are used to spinning plates but this year we had to hand some of them over to others, especially our team. They supported pivoting our existing business to keep up with the changing landscape and applied for DAs for our new store in Newtown. We had to admit we couldn’t do it all on our own and, in this, we’ve learnt about the strength of vulnerability and being open to receive.
Food was a grounding force for us during this time. We found making time between hospital visits and caring for a newborn to share a meal was transformative.
It wasn’t long after River passed that we wanted to honour the kindness we had received from our community and do something for others that were also experiencing hardship. We started Lox of Love, where each week you could nominate a friend or family member and we would gift them a box of food. This gift included challah, bagels, lox, dips and a handwritten note. It was part of our healing process – a way to say thank you. The first week we received more than 50 nominations; we were so surprised as people poured their hearts out. It really put our lives into perspective.
We’ve been able to move through this with grace and love and come out the other side as better people, we are more grateful and changed forever.
Our approach and perspective has been key to this.
We’ve always said: “We’re exactly where we need to be.”
And even though this was hard to say some days we believe wholeheartedly in accepting what’s happening. That challenges are being put in our path for a reason, and it’s about working out how we are going to take the experience and grow from it.
It’s quite easy to not deal with things correctly, to push the discomfort away, but you can’t go just around your child dying, you are faced with it every day. We’re also really trying to share our experience – and realising how important it is, not just for us, but for our family, friends and even people we don’t know. Through sharing River’s story we have connected with people all over the world.
A lot of people have messaged us telling us how it has changed their lives. The common thread we found was that our experience with River made people want to be more present and grateful for their children and loved ones. Whether it was less time on their phones at bed time or just a reminder to deeply appreciate what they have and not take it for granted. That was a beautiful resounding impact that River had on the world.
Reflecting back on our big year there are many lessons we’ve learned – but we also feel that there’s many we have not learnt yet. We’re still learning and evolving. Life every day is a practice. We’re still practising everyday to be, and to have this human experience in a more graceful and beautiful way.