WHY DO WE SELF­S­AB­O­TAGE?

High­light­ing some of the rea­sons for self-sab­o­tage

Great Health Guide - - CONTENTS - Me­gan McGrath

Ever heard the ex­pres­sion, ‘you are your own worst en­emy’? In fact, I’m sure it rings true for most of us. How many times have we acted against our self-in­ter­est then asked our­selves why did we do that? Why did we say that to a loved one? Why did we pro­cras­ti­nate on that project? Why did we eat the block of choco­late? Why have we stopped do­ing that one thing that makes us feel great? Why do we self­s­ab­o­tage? When we fall vic­tim to our crit­i­cal voice, we of­ten en­gage in self-lim­it­ing and acts of self-sab­o­tage that ul­ti­mately hurts us in our daily lives.

HERE ARE A FEW EX­AM­PLES OF SELF-SAB­O­TAGE:

• Re­peat­ing un­wanted pat­terns of be­hav­iour

• Pro­cras­ti­nat­ing and lack­ing mo­ti­va­tion as a dead­line draws near

• In­abil­ity to com­mit to or hold on to long-term re­la­tion­ships

• Do­ing things that com­pro­mise your health, well­be­ing and ef­fec­tive­ness

• Fail­ure to com­plete what you start

• Find­ing the per­fect job but miss­ing the dead­line for sub­mis­sion of the ap­pli­ca­tion.

Do any of the above state­ments sound like you? Ul­ti­mately th­ese thoughts, feel­ings and ac­tions un­der­mine us, es­pe­cially when we en­gage in them re­peat­edly. Our in­ner sabo­teur is ac­ti­vated when strong emo­tions are surg­ing. In­ter­nal feel­ings of tur­moil emerge and de­struc­tive emo­tions dom­i­nate. Th­ese emo­tions com­pel us

to re­peat self-de­struc­tive acts, do some­thing that hurts our­selves or oth­ers, if we al­low our­selves to be con­trolled by them. Once you rec­og­nize the ways in which you are self-sab­o­tag­ing, you can ac­tively and de­lib­er­ately mon­i­tor th­ese thoughts. Un­der­stand that neg­a­tive self-talk is based on in­ap­pro­pri­ate be­liefs and neg­a­tive thoughts. You can kindly and gen­tly choose to change this in­ner di­a­logue to more pos­i­tive, sup­port­ive self-talk. Slowly but surely a health­ier, more sup­port­ive mind­set leads to a joy­ful sense of free­dom and sus­tain­able pos­i­tive life changes.

YOU MIGHT FIND THE FOL­LOW­ING TECH­NIQUES HELP­FUL AS PART OF A DE­LIB­ER­ATE WAY TO CHANGE YOUR THINK­ING: 1. Ex­pect that there will be bumps in the road.

Change isn’t easy. There will al­ways be tough times. Some­times it can be help­ful to brain­storm about sit­u­a­tions that make it hard for you to be pos­i­tive. By then de­vel­op­ing a plan for how you might deal with th­ese sit­u­a­tions when they arise, can of­ten make you more con­fi­dent in your abil­ity to keep go­ing when the go­ing gets tough.

2. Don’t view mis­takes as fail­ures.

Progress rarely moves in a straight line. Some­times peo­ple think that one step back means they’ve gone all the way back to square one which can cause them to give up. Recog­nise that we are hu­man and that we will en­counter some prob­lems that slow us down. So, rather than see­ing our­selves as a fail­ure we need to har­ness our en­ergy and fo­cus to cre­ate a plan to get us back on track.

3. Stay con­nected to your plan.

Hav­ing a clear plan for your fu­ture is both mo­ti­vat­ing and in­spir­ing. A vi­sion is what drives the de­ci­sions and ac­tions that bring ful­fil­ment and joy. Once you come up with a plan for your life, I be­lieve that you need to read it ev­ery day. It re­minds you of your greater pur­pose and there is less chance of you be­ing dis­tracted.

4. Pay at­ten­tion to your thoughts and feel­ings.

When neg­a­tive feel­ings come up, stop and bring your­self back into the present mo­ment. Ask your­self the fol­low­ing ques­tions posed by au­thor By­ron Katie in Lov­ing What Is:

• Is it true? • Can I ab­so­lutely know that it is true? • How do I re­act when I think that thought? • Who would I be with­out that thought?

5. Get out­side.

Stop, take a break, stretch, step out­side into the sun­shine and fresh air. It can change your per­spec­tive and help in­spire new ideas and solutions that you hadn’t pre­vi­ously been able to see.

6. Share your strug­gle.

Some­times be­ing con­nected and al­low­ing your­self to be vul­ner­a­ble and share your story, can lead to be­ing in­spired and sup­ported by oth­ers.

FI­NALLY, MY AD­VICE FOR EV­ERY­DAY IS:

1. Con­cen­trate on what you want and make a plan 2. En­joy what you al­ready have 3. Live in the mo­ment 4. Not to fear what could hap­pen in the fu­ture. Re­mem­ber to think about what’s go­ing right and what’s work­ing and be sure to ac­knowl­edge and be thank­ful for it. If you think in this way, you will at­tract more of what is work­ing and limit self-sab­o­tage.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from Australia

© PressReader. All rights reserved.