Why Should I Forgive myself?
Who am I to forgive myself for things I have done that truly hurt, harmed and damaged others or myself? Why do I possess this sacred right, this privilege of bestowing Grace? I cannot mend or heal the wounds I have caused to others or even to myself. If I cannot heal or have these very real and painful hurts disappear, then why do I deserve to let go, be freed of my guilt, my regret, my shame and my well-deserved punishments for these harmful deeds and attitudes? Why do I have this sacred right? Because each guilt, each shame, each regret and each punishment are a definite result of my ego’s arrogant need to be perfect. My willingness to receive forgiveness is an admission and acceptance of my imperfection and a letting go of my false sense of spiritual superiority. To accept forgiveness is to be released from my insane desire to be perfect (as a human). It frees me to become whole and thus to access my highest and best self. Refusing forgiveness is the essence of arrogance that creates and solidifies a rigid wall that isolates and darkens the heart. Every time I hate myself for any and all my failures and faults, I validate this arrogance and immediately block my ability to receive the true and magnificent blessings that want to come to me.
My ego resists forgiveness because it intuitively knows that humility is the first requirement. To receive, to fully experience forgiveness, my heart must open to a humility that is always difficult for my ego to accept. Every ego has a fear that humility will threaten its existence and yet it is only in facing this fear that the ego can be broken open and finally receive the transforming gift of forgiveness. In this sense, my ego is like the caterpillar that finds itself terrified that the cocoon will be its end, only to realize finally that this form of surrender is the only path to winged flight. As I humbly accept forgiveness, this sacred act, which my ego has so feared paradoxically, tears down my walls to
Love and Joy and Freedom and floods my heart with the seeds of new being. Now, I am no longer a creature struggling alone and isolated in the dark. Now I have become a being of Grace, who is all blessed and who blesses all. We might say given these truths, now, that I do not have a right to accept forgiveness. I have an obligation, a mandate, to accept and then share forgiveness. For without it, I cannot live into the shining being that I have been created to be.
Dr Matthew Anderson has a Doctor of Ministry specialising in counselling. He has extensive training and experience in Gestalt and Jungian Psychology and has helped many people successfully navigate relationship issues. Dr Anderson has a best-selling book, ‘The Resurrection of Romance’ and he may be contacted via his website.