CULTIVATING COMPASSION

Whether it is compassion for yourself or others, right now, is the perfect time to cultivate it.

Have you ever seen something that moved you so much – that you HAD to do something about it? That is compassion. It literally means ‘suffering with’ another person, but it goes beyond just feeling what they are feeling, it is about taking action to alleviate that suffering.

This raises some interesting reflections:

• Can we learn to be compassionate – if it is not a natural way of being for us?

And how does this apply to selfcompassion?

What happens inside when we are compassionate:

1. Studies show that when we are being compassionate, our physiology measurably changes: our heart rate reduces, we release oxytocin (the bonding hormone) into our system and several discreet areas of our brains are activated, which direct us to approach and care for others.

2. Interestingly, we also get a sense of pleasure from helping others. It would appear, that our brains are wired for compassion. As an mBraining Master

Coach, I would remind you that we also have a brain in our hearts and we also need to use that brain to be truly compassionate.

“The meaning of compassion is to recognize the suffering of others & then take action to help. Compassion embodies a tangible expression of love for those who are suffering.“

We see that compassion is deeply rooted in our brains, our bodies & in the most basic ways we communicate

3. Neurological studies also show that the areas of the (head) brain which are involved in compassion are ‘plastic’, showing that we can indeed learn these skills. One study even showed that when we are compassionate, it escalates the physiological changes, suggesting that compassion is selfperpetuating over time.

How else do we increase our compassion?

1. Simple actions such as smiling warmly, making friendly hand gestures and leaning in towards another person, have been shown to enhance compassion in children. Nancy

Eisenberg, even showed that there was a particular ‘compassion expression’ which enhanced the chance of that person showing compassion to another person. So, changing how you look at the situation is a great place to start.

2. Certain forms of ‘safe touch’ also enhance oxytocin release, increasing the chance of compassionate action being taken. This may be particularly challenging in COVID times when we are unable to have the same connection to others as we would like.

We must be creative and pay even more attention to how we can increase compassion – when it is needed most. 3. Other shown to components be important that are: have been

• Skills such as being able to stand in another’s shoes and see the world from their perspective is a key to compassion.

• Whether children had secure attachment from their parents / carers in the early years, affects their degree of empathy and compassion, as does whether the parents’ role modelled compassion in action.

What might this look like in practice?

Compassion is individual, for each person and each context, examples include:

Speaking up for people who do not have a voice: people being discriminated against, bullied or ostracized.

Taking time to understand a situation from the other persons perspective.

Being conscious of your impact in any situation.

Feeling compassion is one thing; acting on it is another

Ensuring humanitarian support, for those who cannot afford the life basics (food, shelter, education and health).

Going out of your way to help, not just taking the easy route. Extending kindness and forgiveness to someone, even if you feel they have hurt you.

What might this look like for yourself?

Sometimes we are the ones suffering:

Be kind to yourself. Turn off your inner critic, the voice which always judges and puts you down. Instead, create your most loving support from within.

Take time to heal yourself from any past hurt or trauma, by seeking professional help. A qualified therapeutic coach or therapist can assist you to show yourself deep compassion, by taking action to alleviate your own suffering.

Invest time in yourself every day to attend to your own radical selfcare. These are the five domains of health: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social.

• Prioritise time each day to find stillness, whether that is through mindfulness, meditation, prayer or a walk in nature.

Give yourself space to truly attend to how you are doing inside. Awareness is always the first step – being aware of the suffering.

In Summary:

We can all be compassionate and there are a five key steps:

1. Set an intention to enhance your current levels of compassionate action.

2. Consciously be aware of the suffering of others and yourself.

3. Open your heart to feel that suffering keeping yourself safe from (whilst being debilitated or overwhelmed by it).

4. Deeply connect with the person suffering (someone else or yourself) and hold a desire to alleviate that suffering.

5. Take action.

Whether it is compassion for others or compassion for yourself, right now, is the perfect time to cultivate compassion.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. Be kind to yourself.

Dr Suzanne Henwood is the Director and Lead Coach and Trainer of mBraining4Success. She is also the CEO of The Healthy Workplace and a Master Trainer and Master Coach of mBIT (Multiple Brain Integration Techniques) and can be contacted via her website.