SHOULD I STAY OR GO?

Remaining where you are can be due to a sense of fear

Some people say that if you are in an uncomfortable situation, you might as well just stay there because you don’t know what could happen if you move on. It could be worse. It is out of a sense of fear that people remain somewhere they don’t want to be.

This is true for workplaces, living arrangements, or relationships such as friendships or partners, even family. Imagine that you are in a relationship where you fight frequently, endure a lot of hurt, the sex is passionless, but you love your house and the money that you earn as a couple. You are really unhappy.

Then you talk to someone who can only see that the money is OK, and they say some comforting words, ‘It’s better to stay, at least you know what to expect, and you do have the best holidays’. That does not validate how you are feeling at all. In fact, it says more about the person who made the statement than it does about your situation.

Be careful who you trust to help you.

It is important to be mindful of who you speak to when you have a problem such as this. Some people won’t want you to move on, others won’t have the ability to see your true worth (because they can’t see their own), and so they can’t encourage you in a positive way.

The problem with staying with your current situation, is that you could be missing out on an amazing opportunity or a great learning experience. It could even mean that you are putting yourself at risk, physically or emotionally.

Just because someone else cannot see your reality does not mean they are right. Sometimes we have to dig deep and really honour ourselves to make a change. A change could mean moving on or making internal shifts.

What can you do to improve your position?

Whenever we are unhappy it is important to look at what you CAN do to make a difference. It might mean you need to get professional help to guide you and help you to learn how to manage your thoughts, or change your daily habits with food or exercise, or maybe even upskill.

Taking time to reflect on who you are and what you truly deserve in this lifetime is important. Do you really want to waste your time and energy being trapped where you are not happy? Or do you want to take the time to learn how to move yourself into an environment that works for you? You may be thinking that you can’t make a change, but you can.

Here are some examples of how a mindset shift can make all the difference.

• A 60-year-old lady living next door to an abusive younger woman. Her friends told her that if she moved, she might get neighbours just as bad. She worked on her own anger and everything changed.

• A 32-year-old man was in an abusive relationship. His partner told him that no one would love him like she did. However, he came to understand that it was abuse, learnt how to stand up for himself and left.

• A 55-year-old man bullied at work thought he could not find another job because he was too old and too ‘damaged’. He realised that he had valuable qualities and found a new job paying more, with a great team of people.

The list is endless. When we do the work on ourselves everything around us changes. The fear is inside of you, and it is that which keeps you trapped. Be mindful that you can choose a better life because you deserve it.

Leanne Kanzler Is the Principal Psychologist at Reconnect Wellness Centre. She has trained in a variety of modalities and is also a certified Life Coach. Leanne’s approach is to look forward whilst releasing the trauma of the past. Check out Leanne’s signature program After The Divorce, A guide for Men and connect on Facebook, or visit her Website.