HelloEdinburgh!
Iamcalledbyacharming BBCproducertoappearonthe aboveprogramme.Hesellsitto measalight-heartedbut informativehistoryoftheguitar, itsrolein20thcenturypopular music;anexplanationofthe physicsandacoustictheory relevanttoit.Andsomecomedy.
Hehaswrittenthescript, whichwillbenarratedbyHarry ‘SpinalTap’Shearer,akaDerek Smalls.MitchBennofRadio4’s ‘TheNowShow’istoprovidethe musicalcomedy.He’saguitarist. DrMarkLewneyistobethetame boffinorGuitarPhysicistandis engagedtoprovidethetechnical explanations,allinthebest possibletaste.Heplaystheguitar, too.Andthenthereis,er…me.My roleisto,ahem,playtheguitar andfleshoutthescriptwith suitablestylingsfromthelast100 yearsoffrettingjoyatsuitable intervals.It’sallleftdisarmingly vague.Imumblethewords“Yes… okay…thatsounds,er… interesting”,andmyfateisduly sealed.Ishouldmentionthat towardstheendofour conversationtheniceman(Mark, byname)casuallydropsinthe ideatheImightplayFoggy MountainBreakdown,the fiendishthemefromDeliverance, onthebanjo.Ipretendthathe didn’tactuallysaythat,andhope thattheideawillmeltaway.
IttranspiresthatAugustturns intoabizarrelybusymonth.Ihave muchelsetoattendto.Soit happensthattwodaysbeforehand Iawakeinpre-dawnnocturnal terrorwiththerealisationthatthe showisalmostuponmeandthatI haven’ttheslightestideaofwhat I’msupposedtoprepareorplay andtheexactdetailsofmytravel arrangements.Inparticular,the logisticalnightmareofhowto transportfourinstrumentstothe futureIndependentRepublicOf Scotland(ornot,dependingon whichwaytheBannockburnson 18September).
IdowhatI’mgoodat.Ipanic.I callMark,MrCharmingProducer. Hetalksmedownfromtheledge. Weagreetohiretwoinstruments inEdinburgh.HisPAwillcollect twoofmyguitarsinLondon,along withasuitcasefullofaccessories andpersonalitems.Shewillcome downbytrainandreturnonthe overnightsleeperinafirst-class compartment,thusensuringthe safetyofmygear.Maybe.Theonly suitablearrangementiscollection fromTheRoyalAlbertHallwhere I’mplayingalate-nightPromtwo nightsbeforethebroadcast recording.AndIwillflyupearly onthedayoftheshow.
Wetalkalittlemoreabout whatImightplay.Heassuresme thathisscriptcanbeadaptedto suitmychoiceofmaterial.Ablues, featuringbottleneck,aplectrum guitarpiece,solojazz,acoupleof instrumentalmedleysand onwards.Oh,andthefinale–Tap classic,TonightI’mGonnaRock YouTonight,featuringthefourof us.Harrywillplaythebass ukulele.BythetimeMarkhas finishedwithmeIbelieve,quite erroneously,thatIwasborntodo justthiswithmylife.
AndsoitisthatI’mupwell beforeanyright-mindedlarkhas evenopenedaneyeinangeranda carisatmydoor.Itisworth mentioningatthispointthatwhen youareissuedwiththetemporary laminatethathastheword‘Artist’ emblazonedacrossit,ratherthan theplankton-likestatusof ‘Musician’,twointerconnected thingshappenimmediately.First, yourIQ isslashedbyaminimum of50points;secondly,andasa consequence,yourlifemustbe organisedandyourneeds attendedtojustasaninfantis spoonfedfromthosedelightful littleglassjars.Hencethecar. HeavenforfendthatIcouldbe capableoforganisingsucha complicatedtask.Iliebackand enjoyit.Bringiton. Gus&Meisanewly-released children’sbookbynoneotherthan… KeithRichards.Subtitled‘TheStory OfMyGrandadAndMyFirstGuitar’, itfeaturespen-and-inkcollage illustrationsbyKeef’sdaughter, TheodoraDupreeRichards,whowas namedafterRichards’grandfather, TheodoreAugustusDupree.The storyofDupree’sroleinRichards’ discoveryofmusicisaheartfeltone, andKeithhimselfsaid:“Thebond, thespecialbond,betweenkidsand grandparentsisuniqueandshould betreasured.Thisisastoryofoneof thosemagicalmoments.MayIbeas greatagrandfatherasGuswasto me.”ThehardbackversionofGus& Meisavailablenow,priced£14.99; seewww.orionbooks.co.uk.